Around the end of the 19th centiry, Theodore Roosevelt visited Burney Falls in northern California and described it as "a wonder." He left and never returned.

In 1920, the folks that owned the falls, the McArthur family, gifted it and the surrounding property to the State of California. The governor filed the deed away and "forgot" about it.

In 1922, the deed resurfaced and the Division of Forestry was appointed its custodian. The Division had no interest in the land and ignored it.

Why would the State of California choose to overlook a scenic area described as a wonder by a president? Historians point out that commercial logging interests and power companies had their eyes on the property, and that the state had no mechanism for managing recreational property at the time. Thus, Burney Falls remained in a legal limbo until 1928 when California established its State Park System and appointed a warden to oversee what is today known as McArthur-Burney Falls Memorial State Park.

Patriots, the historical perspective may explain the legal and political scenario of the time, but it hardly covers the real reason the governor and Division of Forestry tried to isolate the property. However, a visit to the park reveals what we're sure you've already guessed: Burney Falls is a hotbed of chitterbox activity...

Slavering chipmunk strikes menacing pose above Burney Falls

In fact our team of investigators were barely out of the car when they were confronted by a horde of drooling skwerlballs. Specifically, California Ground Skwerls, the fearsome Golden-mantled Ground Squirrel, and some sort of ever-agitated chipmunk (click chippy above for its statement).

Now the fact that the park is infested with chitterboxes is no surprise; most parks are. Likewise, it's hardly a shock that the park allows camping - a known nutzy ploy to attract motor homes crammed full of edible tribute which the skwerlballs extort from terrorized vacationers.

However, there is a mystery surrounding Burney Falls. For one, the photos taken by our team came out blurry and/or would not scan properly. So, although we took several roles of film, only the chippy pictured above and the g-mantle and California ground skwerls pictured below came out...

   
California g-skwerl and Golden-Mantled g-skwerl; click for hideous chitters

What caused the film to fail? User error? Poor lighting? Or was it something more sinister? The answer to that question undoubtedly remains at Burney Falls. Perhaps it is represented on the strange and ancient glyph discovered by our team on the trail down to the falls...

Patriots, the image on the plaque is clearly a warning of some kind. But, note how the human figures have been defaced. Also observe that the child is pointing down a path where an undefined, menacing, white figure lurks just to the left of the tree. What is it? And why was the child's mouth scratched out? What truth was silenced by that act of vandalism? And was it done by the same monstrosity that caused our photographer's camera to fail?

READER COMMENTS

Daddy, look out! That's not little Suzie, IT'S A SKWERL!!!

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Why are the guy's shoes white???

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we'll never know what happened because anyone who gets too close to the truth disappears!

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The power companies wanted the falls to generate electricity and that would bring more people into the area. So the squirrels took control. Now the falls generate this magnetic field that allows the squirrels to transport between dimensions with the unfortunate side effect of ruining film. ok?

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the real question is why are there somoans in the picture?

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