Patriots, you were appalled when we uncovered the skwerlien plot to inebriate a nation using the Guinness Brewery as a front. Later, you were outraged when we exposed the mastermind behind Cheap Beer Skwerl (see links below). But the latest chitterbox conspiracy to control the world's supply of beer is simply beyond the pale...

HAVE A BEER AND HELP TO PROTECT THE RED SQUIRREL

BEER drinkers can now indulge in their favourite pastime, safe in the knowledge that they are helping to protect the Lake District's endangered red squirrels.

Red Alert North West, the campaign to save the red squirrel, has teamed up with Jennings, the Cumbria based brewers, to combine a good cause with pleasure by launching a limited edition Red Squirrel beer.

Sales of each bottle will contribute 10p towards conservation work at a series of special red squirrel refuges throughout England.

Conservation officer for Red Alert North West Jason Reynolds said: "I'm absolutely delighted that we now have a refuge for red squirrels in Cumbria. Red Alert North West are busy working to ensure that there are others to follow in the near future. A big conifer woodland like this can make a real difference towards protecting red squirrels. This is a wonderful opportunity for conservation in Cumbria and is also of national importance for red squirrels."

Jennings' managing director Mike Clayton added: "Jennings are delighted to lend our support to saving these wonderful creatures. Our skilled brewery team have created an unique premium ale and we think that by helping the red squirrel, we've created a real talking point for people. Hopefully, our initiative will fire other people's imaginations about the ways in which we can all do our bit for wildlife."

Source: The NorthWest Evening Mail

Patriots, the prior conspiracies by Guinness and Cheap Beer Skwerl had very separate agendas and goals.

For Guinness, it was a matter of profits - the brewery received riches in exchange for promoting squirrel world domination. For Cheap Beer Skwerl, it was soley an effort to spread the false promises of squirrel world domination.

The Guinness and Cheap Beer Skwerl campaigns also had mixed results. Some experts believe that these plans backfired by promoting alcoholism amongst the drooling nutzys (click skwerl for besotted chitter).

However, this latest effort is something it else. It seeks to inebriate a nation while englutting the bushytail horde's war coffers. Thus, the slavering nut crunchers hope to debauch British society with its own money...

And what if this plot succeeds? Will the bushytails seek to control or even buy up other breweries? Will they expand their sinister program to other countries? Our experts say Yes...

Patriots, we believe that some countries are more vulnerable to this type of nutzy exploitation than others.

So, if the plot succeeeds, Germans may find their beloved suds contaiminated with skwerlien mind control drugs. Canadians may be incited to armed rebellion when they're bankrupted by expensive bushytail beer. Australians will have more to worry about than dingos and rabbits when a bibulous nation votes to allow millions of skwerls to immigrate from Asia. And, can their be any doubt that the greatest nation on earth - the one with the most numerous brands of cheap beer - the USA, will fall prey, corrupting even its greatest leader ever (click great leader for comment)...?

Patriots, there's an old saying: In heaven there is no beer; that's why we drink it here. But how can we if the bushytail horde and its greedy minions succeed in controlling the world supply? Thus, only one question remains...

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