| scary squirrel world | SURPRISE VALLEY SHOWDOWN! |
Patriots, when you think of California do you think of a new age dirt-eating hippie ecoterrorist peacenik spoiled rich actors on cocaine with bulimia could care less surf nazi save the snail darter and out of energy sort of place? In short, a Dark Realm of Skwerlhuggery? Of course, you do.
But, did you know that parts of California bear no resemblance to the popular image fostered by clever marketeers and mousekateers. In fact, California often stands at the forefront in the struggle to defeat squirrel world domination.
Case in point, the recent showdown between the massed hordes of skwerlien horror and the simple folk we call "shooters" in Surprise Valley, California:
Gunfire Rakes the Hayfields in a War Against the Squirrel
By ERIC BAILEY, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
FORT BIDWELL, Calif.--The pickup bounced along a farm road, still deep-rutted by winter. Cason Baugh peered through the dusty windshield at alfalfa fields basking under the first warm rays of spring. Then he spotted it, right up ahead.
The enemy. The dreaded varmint. A tiny ground squirrel that, along with a few thousand burrowing cousins, is capable of chomping a good quantity of Baugh's crop.
Quick as a cat, the farmer grabbed his small-bore rifle, right beside the sloshing coffee mug and half-filled cup of cigarette butts. He aimed. He fired.
The little critter fell, quite dead--another casualty in the squirrel wars of Surprise Valley.
Up here in California's far northeast corner, where the U.S. Cavalry had its last outpost and a few Wild West folkways still abide, folks shoot first and ask questions later when it comes to squirrels.
Click here for complete story...
The above-linked story goes on to say how the bushytail horde took over Surprise Valley when pathetic skwerlhuggers convinced the feds to ban a poison in 1990 that kept the chitterboxes in check (unfortuantely, the chemical, Compound 1080, was also decimating the bald eagle population).
For two years after, farmers and ranchers watched the slavering nutzys multiply and munch their way through local crops or break the legs of horse and cattle in their skwerlien pits.
All seemed lost until the Chamber of Commerce concocted the Surprise Valley Squirrel Round-Up in 1992.
Every March the Round-up draws shooters from around the nation. Cheered on by the locals, they make an annual dent in the skwerlien population and bring a few bucks into the local economy.
Shooters can pay as much as $150.00 a day for the privilege of blasting away at the bushytail horde from the relative safety of a "War Wagon" (click pic to hear Wagoneers explain their goal). The more adventureous simply set up a table, chair, and high-powered rifle in the middle of a field - a foolish risk at best, especially if done alone.
The Suprise Valley Squirrel Round-up is hardly a new development in the struggle against squirrel world domination. The Prairie States have long held annual prairie dog shoots to control the burrowing menaces.
Alas, this relaxing and benefical pastime is under fire from pinko bleeding hearts who think the shoots are cruel and unusual punishment and do little to control skwerl populations. The result: some jurisdictions are planning to, or have banned future shoots.
To date, the good residents of Surprise Valley have yet to feel PETA's wrath or an invasion of tye-dyed, dirt-eating, protestnik skwerlhuggers, but they assume it's only a matter of time before they fall out of their trees and make their way to the valley.
Well, Patriots, we here at scary squirrel world are open to all opinions and possibilities. The shoots can't rightly be called hunting, and they may not have much impact on the nutcruncher's numbers. But, we say the proof's in the pudding. To that end, we plan to visit Surprise Valley next month (June 2001), evaluate the bushytail threat, and publish our findings and conclusions upon our return.
In the meantime, we solicit your opinion...
READER COMMENTS:
Noble Pursuit. Kill The Dirty Lil Rats.
5.56 Rounds are good on Vermin
i don't like this if you decide to do something I will help you stop it.
Thin out the vermin horde! Damn right. All of you liberal environmentalists go to an actual biology class. KILL THE EVIL SQUIRRELS, LEST THEY WALK UPON OUR GRAVES ONCE THEY HAVE CONSUMNED OUR GRAIN SUPPLIES! Might of well have some fun while you help save the world.
what the %#$& are you smoking? these animals are perfectly safe... i think you should lay off the crack and realize that they are not controlled by the devil. i think you should get a *&(*(&^%$ life! i have a prairie dog for a pet and it is the most gentle pet i ever had. you are %# up and so are all of your squrrill hating friends. if you consider me a squrrill hugger go ahead i happen to enjoy the company of my PET prairie dog. they day that they take over the world is the day that pigs fly. get a (_(*& life you pathetic #%$^$^. go back to the insane doctor because i dont think your head is on straight. gimmie a break and lay off the helpless animals. shooting an animal that cant fight back that must make you real big huh. oh yea if you get beat up by a squrrill you are a %$%$# pussy. a pathetic PUSSY!!!
noble pursuit
Poor little squirrels? I DONT THINK SO!! Think of the poor little birds and other, NICE animals that are being eaten out of house and home by those evil fuzzy tailed tree rats! Shoot to kill, my friends, for to kill a squirrel is to save a life!!!
cruel sport
I hope they are eating those darned bushytail varmints. Waste not want not. Brunswick stew for everybody! Except leave the brains, which may harbor the ultimate skwerl tool of retribution, the chitterbox eqivalent of Mad Cow Disease, where you found them.
Whoever said that this website is "sick" is clueless. It's a joke for crying out loud.They don't even spell squirrel right.They're not saying to "go out and kill all the squirrels". Get a grip, and squirrels have harmed people. My uncle almost had his arm ripped off by one and haven't you ever heard of the deer hunt things.If the squirrel population doesn't drop then there won't be enough food and they'll starve slowly to death anyway.
This wav sums up what I feel about these PETA skwerlhuggers: http://www.tokarifederation.f2s.com/holdline.wav
I agree that if the squirrel population can't be controlled by poison, since it also destroys the noble bald eagle, our national bird, that farmers should have the right to take other measures to control the population. How can a season of shooting squirrels not help control the population? Would traps be better? Or the introduction of a natural predator? Those would have their downsides as well, trapping the wrong animals, or not being able to control the hunting habits of a natural predator. Squirrel hunting is probably the most effective, specifically targeted method of exterminating a portion of the bushytailed horde. Keep up the noble pursuit.
You are all sick to have a website like this promoting the killing of defenseless animals. What did they ever do to you? I am going to report you to your ISP and the government and have your site taken off the internet forever.
From reading the news article, it seems that the squirrels original home was in the foothills or mountains around the valley. Then cultivation brought them down. So, the farmers and ranchers brought this plague on themselves. So, let them figure it out and all you squirrel lovers can keep the hell out of it!
sport, no; noble, no; necessary, yes. sad, yes.
I think it's pretty lame, but as a farmer I can tell you squirrels and other rodents can wipe you out in no time without some pretty aggressive controls. Since the feds and state have implemented restrictive policies on poisoning, I have to sympathsize with the Surprise Valley farmers. What other realistic choice do they have?
