scary squirrel world

Patriots, pathetic skwerlhuggers complain that our characterization of the wilderness as a skwerl-infested hell is unjustified and downright delusional.

Sure, they'll freely admit that chitterboxes call the wild home. But they deny that the slavering nutcrunchers are up to something. Talk about psychoneurotic.

There can be no doubt that a wilderness experience is risky business when skwerls are present. Just ask the unfortunate Brit, Mr. Mike Madden, 48. Mr. Madden fashioned a birdfeeder into a hat and took a walk in a wooded area near his house in Huddersfield, northern England.

Suddenly, a large grey squirrel spied nuts on the hat-birdfeeder feeding tray, leaped from the top of a tree, and landed with such force that Madden was knocked to the ground; whiplash was later diagnosed (Source: Agence France-Presse Tuesday, November 27, 2001, Print Edition, Page A12; click skwerl for comment).

Mr. Madden's experience suggests that he was unprepared for the skwerlien attack that followed. Perhaps he did not see any chitterboxes and assumed that the woods were skwerl-safe or even skwerl-free.

That assumption could create more than a pain in the neck for the unwary (or for those who invite disaster).

But what about areas that appear to be nutzyless. Can we be sure they're really safe?

Our recent investigation into the Squaw Leap region just outside Yosemite National Park and adjacent to the Sierra National Forest in central California reveals that looks can be decieving (click map for large version and directions).

HISTORY AND CURRENT USAGE

Squaw Leap is part of the San Joaquin River Gorge Management Area administered by the U.S. Bureau of Land Management. Legend has it that 17 women of the Kechayi or Dumna tribe escaped capture by the American army by jumping to their deaths from one of the "table" mountains dotting the landscape. The story is plausible but unconfirmed...

Table Mountain - Squaws Leap, but from what?

Squaw Leap offers a wide variety of recreational activities including fishing, hiking, mountain biking, wildlife viewing, camping, picnicing, and horseback riding.

The main attraction is the San Joaquin River Gorge and many visitors take the short hike from the Squaw Leap parking lot to the footbridge spanning the river.

BEYOND THE BRIDGE

The walk from the trailhead to the bridge was scenic and uneventful: wildflowers in bloom, oak trees and Digger pine, butterflys and singing birds.

The bridge is modern and offers an impressive view of the San Joaquin River. Beyond that is a well-maintained, single track, loop back trail (± 8 mi. from trailhead and back).

The danger begins as you ascend the trail beyond the bridge. This is habitat for one of the most destructive critters known to man: the California Ground Squirrel.

Curiously, though, it appeared that there were no skwerls in residence. However, as we noted above, looks can be deceiving. We soon observed that a plentitude of dirt nutzys, more than enough to overwhelm our party, were lurking in the high grass, rocks, and brush all along the trail (see photos below).

CONCLUSION

Why weren't we attacked? Why were the drooling g-skwerls holding back? Does it simply mean that they know their place and have no interest in squirrel world domination? Not likely. Our investigation revealed the following:

The Squaw Leap area is 1) a nexus for a number of trails crisscrossing the region and leading to the high country, and 2) pathetic skwerlhuggers plan to link the trails with the San Joaquin River Trail (SJRT).

This last fact is most telling: the SJRT is a scheme to create a hiking/biking/walking route stretching from the floor of the San Joaquin Valley to the river gorge bridge.

Why is this a concern? Let us answer that question with another. Is it mere coincidence that Fresno, California, a town overrun with introduced Eastern Fox Squirrels (as well California G-Skwerls), is on the western end of the SJRT, and that completion of the trail will link the bushytail hordes of the valley with the nut crunchers of the mountains into one vast, maniacal host of demonic skwerlballs?

Oh, did we mention what greeted us on our return to the trailhead...?

Trail's end - click skwerl for comment

Squaw Leap Weather
reported from

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