Patriots, thanks to our ever-vigilant operatives around the globe, we're able to expose the the bushytail horde's plan for squirrel world domination in all its nefarious forms.

However, some skwerlien atrocities so horrify the populace that a flood of email alerts come not only from Patriots, but from Common Citizens and even pathetic skwerlhuggers. Consider this recent report from Mother Russia...

Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog'
BBC News - 2005/12/01

Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report. Passers-by were reportedly too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in a village in the far east, which reportedly lasted about a minute.

They are said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh.

"They literally gutted the dog," local journalist Anastasia Trubitsina told Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper.

The attack was reported in parkland in the centre of Lazo, a village in the Maritime Territory, and was witnessed by three local people.

Mikhail Tiyunov, a scientist in the region, said it was the first he had ever heard of such an attack.

"If it really happened, things must be pretty bad in our forests," he added.

Komosmolskaya Pravda notes that in a previous incident this autumn chipmunks terrorised cats in a part of the territory.

A Lazo man who called himself only Mikhalich said there had been "no pine cones at all" in the local forests this year.

"The little beasts are agitated because they have nothing to eat," he said.

Of course, the horrendous Lazo incident is but one in a series of bushytail attacks on Mother Russia.

scary squirrel world reported the first outrage in November 2002. It was then that workers in the "Tsarskaya Paseka" (Tsar's apiary) environmental education centre, on the grounds of Izmailovski Park in Moscow, began to breed squirrels (click for feature story).

We denounced this act of treason and warned that the slavering skwerlballs were planning to overrun Russia and enslave the population (click skwerl for comment).

A few months later, in January 2003, a drooling chitterbox army emerged from the park, ran amok, and englutted themselves on the nuts of two Azerbaijan merchants (the fate of merchants is unknown).

At the same time, the minions of squirrel world domination spilled out of the forests of Yakutia in eastern Russia. The skwerls were methodically destroying wildlife and attacking humans. Yakutia capitulated in Fall 2003 and paid a tribute of 10 tons of pine nuts to its new nutzy overlords according to the Russian news agency, Pravda.

Two and a half years later, Novosibirsk in central Russia found itself overrun by the slavering nutzys. Incredibly, local authorities simply surrendered without a fight.

For more information see Moscow's Madness and Better Dead Than Red

Patriots, there's no dispute that the events listed above happened, but there is controversy surrounding the causal factor(s) behind these incidents.

That's right, there are those who deny that the bushytail horde planned these barbarities as part of its drive for squirrel world domination.

For example, some individuals claiming to be "scientists" say that the mass movement of skwerls and their aggressive behavior in Russia is due to a combination of factors affecting the nutzys' environment. They are, prolonged drought, deforestation due to fires and commercial logging, and even that tired, old environut standby... global warming (click scientist for comment).

We agree that the factors listed above, as fanciful as they are, may have pissed off the slavering chitterboxes; but we draw a line at the notion that these events are random and unrelated to a conscious effort by Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel and his Squirrel Enforcement Army (SEA) to subdue the planet.

And for those who think that Russia's woes are hers alone, consider this: the Lazo story mentions that the dog attack was preceded by similar attacks by crazed Siberian chipmunks on cats a few weeks earlier... Now read the following new brief from London, England...

Stop that chipmunk! Four fugitives wanted dead or alive in Britain
Nov 23, 2005 - Source: BBC News

Four Siberian chipmunks are wanted dead or alive after fleeing from an enclosure in southern England.

Around 30 chipmunks escaped from Wellington Country Park and four are thought still to be on the run, the Daily Mail reported on Thursday.

The Department for Environment Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA) said the chipmunks are quite harmless to humans, but could muscle out wood mice and bank voles in the fight for seeds, nuts and berries.

They are also known to scoff chicks and birds' eggs.



It is feared they could multiply and begin to dominate, as grey squirrels did to the cost of native red squirrels when they were introduced in the late 19th century.

Following the breakout, 18 of the renegade chipmunks were found dead within days, while eight more were recaptured or shot dead.

A DEFRA spokesman said the situation was "quite worrying" but added: "We are keeping a very vigilant eye on this particular case. Anything that enters into the English wild can upset the ecosystem."

Make no mistake, the sudden arrival of Siberian Chipmunks in England is no coincidence. It's clear that these battle hardened SEA regulars were imported into England for one reason only: to hurry the collapse of the English ecosystem and facilitate a skwerlien victory over those who dare to resist.

Thus, Patriots, let us put aside mundane worries about deforestation and global warming and issue this global warning instead...

If Tufty and his minions are allowed to maintain their grip on Russia and England, how long before the rest of civilization falls under the jackboot of squirrel world domination?

READER COMMENTS...

You are soooooo next. HAHA. Damn the human race. We will take you.