scary squirrel world

WHEN SKWERLS ATTACK

Patriots, you're familiar with the saying "An angel on my shoulder"; and you've undoubtedly seen animated cartoons in which a little devil appears on an undecided subject's shoulder to give tempting advice... What, then, do you make of this true tale from Germany:

German gives ardent squirrel the brush-off
July 13 2003 at 09:00PM

Goettingen - A squirrel "adopted" a man who strayed into its forest in Germany, refusing to budge from his shoulder and forcing him to call the police for help, authorities said on Sunday.

Calling from his cellphone, the agitated man told police in Goettingen that he was walking through the woods when the bushy-tailed, red squirrel scampered up onto his shoulder.

Repeated attempts to give the furry admirer the brush-off resulted in the animal becoming more persistent in its efforts.

"You've got to help me, I can't get this crazy squirrel off my shoulder," the unidentified caller told a police dispatcher.

"The caller was given the address of an animal shelter," a police spokesperson said. "And if the folks there are unable to separate them, then perhaps they'll both live happily ever after." Source: Independent Online - South Africa

Of course, impenitent skwerlhuggers will try to convince you that this direful assault was a beneficent experience; or perhaps a blessed visitation; or maybe even an audience with Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel himself.

However, it's more than obvious that the maniacal Goettingen skwerlball delivered a terrifying message to its victim. A message so disturbed that the unfortunate man was compelled to call the authorities (click photo to here typical skwerlien message).

Worse, the authorities turned a deaf ear. They referred the panic-stricken victim to an animal shelter, a facility known to coddle to the needs of the bushytail horde.

Moreover, and to add insult to injury, the police even suggest a shocking, unholy union between man and skwerl.

It's impossible to know exactly what the Goettingen nutzy said on that fateful day. We surmise that it tried to turn its victim to the skwerl-side through intimidation and threats of great bodily harm.

Needless to say, the bushytail horde, pathetic skwerlverts and the woefully ignorant will disagree with our assessment. They'd rather perpetuate the false promises of squirrel world domination (click skwerls for comment).

Patriots, the Goettingen incident reminds us once again that the drooling nut munchers are civilizations greatest threat. So, we end by asking two questions: what message did the Goettingen chitterbox deliver? And, how can we stop these skwerlien attacks?

WHAT'S YOUR OPINION?