Patriots, we recently received the following correspondence from a concerned reader...

I have been a discrete viewer of your detailed and interesting page for some months now. However, while I applaud your thoroughness in many respects, I find your coverage of Squirrel World Events lacks any detectable mention of perhaps the most serious issue facing the people of the British Isles - to wit, the Squirrel Civil War.

I don't doubt your expertise in these matters, so I will not seek to lecture you on the details of the Grey vs. Red conflict in the UK, except to say that I find it highly significant that there is no mention on your site of the way that the American Greys have almost completely usurped the English Reds. The last remaining populations of indiginous reds in the UK are located in places such as Scotland, Dorset, and so on.

I cannot help but wonder, then - does this mean that you willingly disseminate pro-Grey propaganda? Have you been infiltrated? Are the reds an even more dangerous species than the greys and you are, CIA-like, covertly backing the greys until the more dangerous Reds are extinguished? Are they Old-Worlde Commie Squirrels? I had hoped that your site would inform me. I am forced to conclude that this gaping hole in your otherwise unparalleled coverage of Squirrel World Politics suggests bias at best, skwerlian conversion at worst!

~Patriot Christian

  
Gray vs. Red (click red for comment) - photo crerdits: Patriot Reeve; Patriot Nikky

Of course, we've published numerous articles on this modern-day English Civil War (see links below). However, Patriot Christian raises legitimate concerns and recent developments in the conflict require attention.

For those that don't know, the Red Squirrel (Sciurus vulgaris; aka the Nutzy Rouge) is the only arboreal terror native to the British Isles. The Grey Squirrel (Sciurus carolinensis) was introduced to the islands during the Victorian era for the amusement of the human population. The result was disasterous. The gray chitterbox out-competes the red nutzys for food and territory. Today, the red skwerl is on the verge of extinction throughout the isles.

To reverse the Nutzy Rouge's downward spiral, pathetic skwerlhuggers are frantically trying to preserve red skwerl habitat, primarily in areas of coniferous forest (which the grey finds less hospitable). There's been some success in that regard on the island of Anglesey in Wales, the Kielder Forest District bordering England-Scotland, and in Northern Ireland.

   Of special interest to those opposed to squirrel world domination are the radical methods employed by these skwerlverts.

   Most notably, there is a sizable movement amongst the Skwerl Firsters calling for the eradication of the gray skwerls by radically culling gray populations (click red skwerlhuggers for comment).

   In spite of these extreme efforts, this Cromwellian conflict may be entering its final stage as the grays fight back...

Virus threatens UK's red squirrels
By Alex Kirby - BBC News Online environment correspondent

A virus capable of devastating rare red squirrel populations has reached one of the species' UK strongholds for the first time.

The virus, parapox, which kills the animals within weeks or even days, seldom responds to treatment.

It is carried by grey squirrels, though they are seldom harmed by it; the reds have no immunity.

The origins of parapox are unknown, but some grey squirrels are known to carry antibodies.

Red squirrels with the virus will have wet, discharging lesions or scabs around the eyes, mouth, feet and genitals. Infected animals are sometimes found shivering and lethargic (click skwerl for comment).

Source: BBC Online

So, what's our position on this skwerlien endgame? We think that will be apparent in the possible outcomes of a Nutzy Rouge defeat...

Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel may fall from power. Tufty is the mastermind behind the plot for squirrel world domination (see link below). He's also a red skwerl. However, it may be that Tufty has turned on his own kind in some sort of felonious, inexplicable plan to homoginize the bushytail horde on the British Isles.

Anti-Squirrel Coalition (ASC) forces will swell. Disaffected skwerlhuggers will turn on the grey chitterboxes who will be viewed as diseased vermin. They will flock to the ASC demanding that the plague-infested skwerlballs be dealt with in the harshest possible terms. Thus, will the bushytail horde be driven from the islands (click skwerls below for comment).

A final solution? Click skwerls for comment. Photo credits: Patriot Nikky; Patriot Reeve

Patriots, while the struggle against squirrel world domination on the British Isles appears to be going our way, it would be a mistake to declare victory before the war is over. As suggested above, Tufty may have a sinister plan that has yet to be revealed. Or, pathetic skwerlhuggers may find a way to control or contain the disease (see links below). Thus, let us remain ever-ready to defend civilization from the threat of squirrel world domination