Patriots, the geo-political region known as Canada covers an area of 9,984,670 sq km (6204186 mi. and 531.5 yd). Only Russia has more land.
North of the United States and south of nowhere, it has a diverse population numbering 34,030,589 people. Notably, 81% of the population lives in urban environs and most of those scrunched up against its southern border with the United States. So-called "experts" will tell you that this somewhat unusual distribution is due to Canada's harsh winter environment.
However, we know the real reason: skwerls, and lots of them. A total of 22 species are found in Canada including fox squirrels, grey squirrels, North American red squirrels, Douflas squirrels, flying squirrels, various ground squirels, chipmunks, marmots and prairie dogs. Is it any wonder that a country perceived as rural and wild by many has most of its human population occupying only a small percentage of its land mass?
Canadian nutcrunchers: L-R, red squirrel, Vancouver Island Marmot, black-tail prairie dog
If any nation lived under the continual threat of squirrel world domination, it's Canada. Moreover, Canada is a hotbed of unabashed skwerlhuggery. Towns such as Exeter and London, Ontario, Canada, hold yearly festivals to pay homage to their bushytail overlords.
Worse, Canadian skwerlhuggers aren't content to confine their efforts to promote squirrel world domination to their homeland. Canadian skwerlverts are directly responsible for exporting slavering black and white nutzys to the United States, including black skwerls to the U.S. capitol, Washington, D.C., in 1902.
Many Patriots wrote Canada off years ago. They said it was only a matter of time before oppressed Canadians fled en masse into the United States to escape an apocalyptic skwerlien onslaught.
However, Canadians are a resilient lot, and some are rising to the challenge. An organization called Third Choice/Troisième choix recognizes that the maniacal chitterboxes are a threat to Canada's present and future. Their vision of a Canada under squirrel world domination is presented here:
Patriots, we applaud Third Choice's efforts and we encourage Patriots everywhere to remember: Canada's struggle is our struggle. We must stand united in a world-wide effort to defeat the bushytail horde.
TUFTY SINGS FORGIVE US, WE'RE CANADIAN
Original by the Arrogant Worms