scary squirrel world BEWARE THE ISLE OF FRIGHT

Patriots, on December 15, 2016, the Connecticut Department of Energy & Environmental Protection (DEEP), posted a disturbing photo of a white squirrel lurking in the woods of Sherwood Island, a state park with woods and popular beach, adjoining the town of Westport on the Long Island Sound.

The photo, by Roger D'Agostin, is blurred and grainy. Mr. D'Agostin was undoubtedly panicked by what he saw but managed to take a single shot of the slavering chiiterbox pictured below.

DEEP officials wondered, as do we, if this was an anomalous sighting or perhaps something far more sinister. DEEP asked visitors to its Facebook page to report other white skwerl sightings on Sherwood. Those who wrote in reported the presence of white nutzys in other parts of Connecticut, but not on Sherwood itself.

So, are we to assume that the sighting was an isolated incident, perhaps a single skwerlien agent scouting the area. Hardly. We think the reports of white bushytails in other parts of Connecticut are diversionary comments designed to draw attention away from the latest skwerlien plot to reclaim a recreational area. We call on DEEP to investigate this matter before peak season for Sherwood begins at the end of winter.

And what questions need to be answered?

First, we don't buy the single skwerl scenario suggested by the absence of similar sightings on Sherwood. As any Patriot can tell you, if there's one nutzy spotted in the woods, there are many lurking just out of sight. The obvious question is, how many demonic chitterboxes are on Sherwood Island?

Next, it's possible that Mr. D'Agostin spotted Sherwood's only white skwerl regardless of the total number of skwerls present. But what kind of white chiiterbox is it? Is it leucistic (true white), albino (a genetic aberration), or worse case, the mystical white skwerl pathetic skwerlhuggers worship as the Nice Squirrel (see our Are There Skwerls in Heaven page for more info)?

Last, if a large cadre of drooling nutcrunchers populate the island, what is its agenda? We'd hoped to have this question answered by one of Sherwood Island's park rangers, but he clearly was clueless to the threat posed by the bushytail horde to public safety (click ranger below for his comment)...

Patriots, we don't have to tell you what the threat to public safety is in a state park with a beach.

In our on-again-off-again series, Bushytail Beach Bullies, we've documented time and again the threatening demand issued to beachgoers by nutzy terrorists inhabiting coastal areas: treat or torture.

In some areas, brave animal control authorities have challenged and suppressed the bushytail hordes control of a beach. Suppression methods range from removing the nutzys with extreme prejudice to skwerlien birth control drugs.

In others, the local authority is clearly a minion of squirrel world domination. They make no effort to repulse the slavering chitterboxes as they descend on swimmers and sunbathers. Visitors must surrender entire picnics, babies go unfed, pets disappear, and traumatized survivors are lucky to escape the shore unscathed.

So, what is the danger to Sherwood Island if the bushytail horde controls it? The photo below offers and obvious clue. Note that almost all the beachgoers are looking in any direction except the woods...

beach scene

Patriots, do we have to paint a picture of the horror that awaits these happy people if Sherwood Island's woods are crawling with maniacal nutcrunchers? Not for you, of course, but the complacency shown by DEEP is appalling. They must step up to the plate, investigate this most serious matter, and either eliminate the problem or assure the public that Sherwin Island is safe.