Patriots, on December 15, 2016, the Connecticut Department of Energy & Environmental Protection (DEEP), posted a disturbing photo of a white squirrel lurking in the woods of Sherwood Island, a state park with woods and popular beach, adjoining the town of Westport on the Long Island Sound.
The photo, by Roger D'Agostin, is blurred and grainy. Mr. D'Agostin was undoubtedly panicked by what he saw but managed to take a single shot of the slavering chiiterbox pictured below.
DEEP officials wondered, as do we, if this was an anomalous sighting or perhaps something far more sinister. DEEP asked visitors to its Facebook page to report other white skwerl sightings on Sherwood. Those who wrote in reported the presence of white nutzys in other parts of Connecticut, but not on Sherwood itself.
So, are we to assume that the sighting was an isolated incident, perhaps a single skwerlien agent scouting the area. Hardly. We think the reports of white bushytails in other parts of Connecticut are diversionary comments designed to draw attention away from the latest skwerlien plot to reclaim a recreational area. We call on DEEP to investigate this matter before peak season for Sherwood begins at the end of winter.
And what questions need to be answered?
First, we don't buy the single skwerl scenario suggested by the absence of similar sightings on Sherwood. As any Patriot can tell you, if there's one nutzy spotted in the woods, there are many lurking just out of sight. The obvious question is, how many demonic chitterboxes are on Sherwood Island?
Next, it's possible that Mr. D'Agostin spotted Sherwood's only white skwerl regardless of the total number of skwerls present. But what kind of white chiiterbox is it? Is it leucistic (true white), albino (a genetic aberration), or worse case, the mystical white skwerl pathetic skwerlhuggers worship as the Nice Squirrel (see our Are There Skwerls in Heaven page for more info)?
Last, if a large cadre of drooling nutcrunchers populate the island, what is its agenda? We'd hoped to have this question answered by one of Sherwood Island's park rangers, but he clearly was clueless to the threat posed by the bushytail horde to public safety (click ranger below for his comment)...
BUSHYTAIL BEACH BULLIES
ARE THERE SKWERLS IN HEAVEN?
CONNECTICUT DEPT OF ENERGY & ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION
SHWERWOOD ISLAND STATE PARK
SANTA MONICA, CALIF AND SQUIRREL BIRTH CONTROL