Patriots, today's head of the Squirrel Enforcement Army and the drive for squirrel world domination is the infamous Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel.

Long time Patriots are already well-versed in Tufty's nefarious doings. Others may read about his sinister exploits on our Tufty Exposed page (linked below).

For the most part, Tufty orders his boundless hordes and minions into action and they obey. However, Tufty is also known to employ more subtle skwerlien subterfuges designed to beguile and turn the innocent and ignorant to the skwerl side.

Consider the Tufty marionette, an innocent-looking children's puppet produced and sold during the latter half of the last century... and apparently a threat once again...

Out of retirement? Click for comment (144k wav)

What possible threat does a 40 year old puppet hold for us today? The answer to that question depends on who you believe.

For example many pathetic skwerlhuggers deny any knowledge of Tufty the Traffice Safety Squirrel let alone the existance of a Tufty marionette that can mind control innocent little children and worse.

However, when confronted with the following lyrics from the Tufty Song and Dance Routine, they become befuddled, reach in their pocket for a peanut and mirror the chant...

"Stop and look! Do what it says in the Tufty Book. Join the Tufty Club. Tufty will be there. Never, never fail! And you'll be a friend, a very good friend of Tufty Fluffytail." ~from the lyrics to the Tufty Fluffytail song as performed by the Keith-Blair Puppeteers

On the other hand, Patriots who've encountered Tufty's seditious marionette report increased criminal nutzy activity before and after the puppet's shows.

In one instance, however, no puppet show preceeded the horrific events that followed. The tragedy happened in September 1967, in southern Colorado's San Luis Valley.

According to the Baker family of Alamosa County, a son on duty with the Army in Europe took a leave of absence in England. From there, he sent one of the Tufty puppets home as a present.

The Bakers placed the marionette on their mantle. The next day it was gone. A week later, on September 08, 1967, neighbor Nellie Lewis' appaloosa pony was found horribly mutilated in a field.

Ms. Lewis claimed to her dying day that the pony had been killed by aliens (a notion that the Condon Commission, studying the UFO phenomena at the University of Colorado at the time discounted).

The Bakers also suspected that the appaloosa's death was caused by an alien presence, but not the outer space kind (click photo above right for comment).

And, as the mutilations continued over the years without any reasonable explanation, the Bakers became convinced that the culprit was the Tufty marionette.

 
Crazed killer skwerl or delightful children's toy? Click photo on left for comment.

That brings us to today. It's come to our attention that a clandestine market for the Tufty marionette has developed. It seems that someone or something is purchasing the puppet off Ebay and paying hundreds of dollars for each.

But for what purpose? And who or what would be willing to pay 100's for a supposedly harmless marionette?

Could it be that the puppets are being gathered together as an unholy army by Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel himself?

Our investigation indicates that the terrifying scenario described above is the most likely. How can we be so sure? Because every Tufty marionette sold was purchased by someone living in England using an alias... Tufty lives in England... and, well, you get the picture.

Thus, only one question remains: How can we track down and destroy the Tufty Marionette Army before Puppetmaster Tufty unleashes it to run rampant over the globe (click Tufty for comment)?