Of all the false promises of squirrel world domination, one stands above the rest. It is... Follow Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel's notorious "Kerb Drill" and all will be well with you and yours.
But a recently uncovered internal report by a 1973 oversight committee within Tufty's own Squirrel Enforcement Army reveals that the Drill doesn't work.
What is the Kerb Drill? Pathetic skwerlhuggers will tell you it's a simple tool that teaches children how to safely cross streets... "At the kerb halt; look right; look left; look right again; then if all clear, quick march!"
However, Patriots understand that the Drill is much more than a safety routine. It contains a subliminal message: kowtow to Tufty, or suffer the consequences.
Now comes proof that the Drill fails to provide the safety it purports to bring. The following report is found on pages 38-39 of the 1973 Tufty Annual. It clearly shows that the Drill does not work.
Presented here as a slide show, the report recounts how Tufty and members of his inner circle are out writing down license plate numbers one day. They split up and and Harry Hare and Willy Weasel, a weasel who's been run down by more lorries, ice cream vans and automobiles than anyone cares to count, arrive at a busy intersection...
CARSPOTTERS - The Day the Kerb Drill Failed
There you have it, Patriots. Proof that the Kerb Drill is a fraud and that Tufty covered up the truth in 1973 by characterizing the incident as a day-in-the-life children's story.
But other questions remain unanswered. For example, is it mere coincidence that Mr. Policeman Badger drove the car that almost killed Willy? And who else might have been in the policeman's car, perhaps riding in the back seat, but not tall enough to be seen?
Well, we know that Willy's had close encounters with Policeman Badger before, so it isn't a stretch to imagine that there's some sort of vendetta between the two. As for the other occupant of the car...
TUFTY'S KERB DRILL
THE WILLY WEASEL STORY
THE WRONG ARM OF THE LAW