Patriots, the history of zoos spans the centuries. Egyptians kept wild animals in capitivity as far back as 2500 B.C. The Greeks and Romans followed in suit as did the nobility of the Middle Ages.

In 1664, the first "modern" zoo opened in France at Versailles. However, the current zoo layout, including attempts to recreate the animals native habitats and the use of moats instead of bars, did not occur until the early 20th century thanks to the efforts of Carl Hagenbeck, a leading animal dealer, breeder and circus owner of the time.

Today, many zoos are a mix of entertainment, education, and science (e.g. species preservation and restoration). They have their supporters, but others see zoos as cruel confinement and exploitation of wild animals.

Our position on zoos has always been clear, concise, and consistent: they are nothing more than foundries for the spread of squirrel world domination. We can be sure of this because nearly every major zoo in the country features one or more skwerl-related exhibits.

Consider the photos below:

Prevost's Squirrel at the National Zoological Park in Washington, D.C.
Black-Tailed Prairie Dogs at the Chaffe Zoo in Fresno, California

Marmots run amok at the Parc Animalier de Pyrenees, France
Indian Palm Squirrel at the Bronx Zoo, New York

Patriots, we certainly do not object to the idea of incarcerating dangerous chitterboxes in secure lockdown facilities such as zoos.

And we're on record supporting active breeding programs of certain skwerls (e.g. the Vancouver Island Marmot at the Toronto Zoo in Canada).

Active breeding programs raise and return certain rare bushytails to the wild where they have an important role in the food chain; i.e. they're dinner for Our Pals in the animal world (click Our Pal the cougar for comment).

However, zoos play an insideous role is the bushytail horde's plan for squirrel world domination. The zoo plot is simplicity itself. Take a look at this shocking surveillance photos of the plot in action...

Fresno Chaffe Zoo - Black-tail Prairie Dog Exhibit

What is happening in the above photo? Does it simply memorialize a pleasant day at the zoo? Or is the encounter pictured above an attack on human civilization? The photo below illuminates this question. It's linked to the actual conversation between a father and his young daughter upon viewing the monsterous beast in the pit...

Click photo for unedited conversation between father and child

And finally, note the result of this unfortunate meeting. The zoogoers squeal with delight as the p-dawgs englut themselves on the supplicants' offerings. Someone notes that the englutted nutzys are actually prairie dogs - a type of ground skwerl; not beavers; and the group leaves fully embracing skwerlhuggery and squirrel world domination. This pattern is repeated over and over again, every day, producing 100's if not thousands of new skwerlhuggers per hour (click p-dawg below for comment).

P-dawg explains its mission - click for comment

Patriots, there you have it. An impeccant trip to the zoo is really an invitation to a hellish pit of wanton skwerlhuggery. But what can be done about it?

A simpleton's answer is to shutter the zoos. No zoos, no skwerlien plot. However, we believe there is a better way.

We recommend that Patriots everywhere embrace the concept and practice of building animal preserves (aka wild animal parks) rather than zoos. Preserves allow visitors to view animals in open environments approximating the critters' native homeland rather than in the relatively small enclosures of traditional zoos.

Animal preserves: this... not this

Additionally, active breeding programs can continue in the preserve's research facilities out of view of the general public and, if one of Our Pals gets hungry... well, you get the picture.

Patriots, we believe our solution to the slavering skwerlballs' zoo plot is sane and sound. It allows for public access to the creatures they might never see otherwise, provides a less objectionable environment for the incarcerated animals, and stamps out yet another bushytail plot to destroy civilization.