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scary squirrel world
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RELOCATING P-DAWGS AND SKWERLS
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Patriots, imagine if you will... the weekend is upon you, you don't have to work, and you're eager to catch up on some much-needed sleep.
But, as the sun rises, you hear a sort-of bark, high-pitched and annoying, then another, and another... It's them dang prairie dogs! The colony in the vacant lot across the street has no intention of letting you rest (click p-dawgs to hear their hideous bark).
Then you hear something else. At first, it's just a distant rumble, then louder, and then you hear human voices in protest... You rise up from your bed and peek out the window. There below, on the other side of the street a human chain stands between the vacant lot and a bulldozer.
The protestors carry signs with cartoon prairie dawgs drawn on them and emblazoned with all manner of luv-the-prairie dog propaganda; you know, the usual skwerlhuggery.
Beyond the protest line, skwerlhuggers are scrambling around in the dirt. They're shoving hoses down p-dawg burrows and flushing them with soapy water. P-dawgs respond by exiting their homes into the skwerlverts' waiting cages and nets.
You watch in amazement as one particularly plump varmint is carried out of his burrow on a jet of water. Somehow, he eludes a gaggle of skwerlhuggers chasing after him making kissy noises. He lumbers half way to safety, but suddenly stops, clutches his paws to his chest, and with a tight-looking grimace, keels over... (click p-dawg to hear its hideous bark).
Dang! It's time for a closer look at this action. So, you throw on some clothes and rush over to the protest.
What're you doing?" you ask. "We're saving the prairie dogs, friend!" is the response. The informant points to a pickup truck already piled high with caged critters. "We're relocating them to a place where they can safely live in peace and harmony!" You observe the truck bears a bumper sticker that reads "Save the Black-Footed Ferret". You think, "Gee, they've got activists for everything these days..."
Of course, you're all for relocating the bloated p-dawgs - preferably to a distant galaxy. But the prairie dogs don't look too pleased with the idea. Some are in a state of panic, others are screeching pitifully, as if the time of prophesy is upon them... (click p-dawg, left, for screeching protest).
The slavering burrow beasts have cause for concern. Up to 70 per cent of the p-dawgs won't survive the reloacation. Here's why:
Stress and shock: Active prairie dogs are spotted by a small strike team of four people. A water truck is driven as quickly as conditions will permit to the active prairie dog. A water handler immediately places a hose into the hole where the prairie dog retreats. The nozzle is aimed at the side of the tunnel so that the stream does not hinder their movement to the surface. 1 person kneels ready to catch the emerging prairie dog, and 1-3 people stand ready with towels to catch other prairie dogs which may emerge quickly and in rapid succession after the first. Needless to say, some of the critters drown or choke to death while others die from the stress of capture.
Lack of suitable habitat: many relocation sites are sub-optimal, too isolated, and/or there is no evidence that p-dawgs ever successfully colonized the areas. So, the critters starve, are gobbled up by predators, or fall victim to environmental conditions. Additionally, the biodiversity and productivity of grasslands result from a mosaic of habitat types; the prairie dog town is only one of these types. Relocating prairie dogs to some areas could endanger globally rare grassland communities.
Of course, simpering skwerlverts will tell you that they have no alternative but to move their precious nutzys. Otherwise, the mortality rate would be 100 per cent as they're bulldozed into oblivion (along with the rabbits, snakes, toads, salamanders, burrowing owls and invertebrates that may share the site).
However, the practice of relocation is frowned upon by most wildlife experts and even some skwerlhuggers (click experts, right, for statement). And we here at scary squirrel world agree. After all, we wouldn't want to wake up to find several hundred drooling p-dawgs burrowing through our neighborhood. Who would!?!
In fact, as long-time readers know, we support the notion of limiting urban development in order to confine the burrowing skwerliens to isolated and secure lockdown facilities on the vacant lots and other urban property they now occupy.
This plan works on many levels. It preserves open space within our communities, it prevents the nutzys from running amok in the streets, and once inbreeding takes its toll, it'll provide the human population with endless hours of enjoyment watching dim watt p-dawgs go about their business (click p-dawg, left, for dim-watt bark).
Besides, who's to say that relocating any part of the bushytail horde won't strengthen their numbers in critical areas. Then, as our recently completed demonstration project, Notice to Vacate shows, the relocators will find themselves the relocated (click graphic below to view demonstration)...
Click above for demonstration project
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relocation photos and facts: city of boulder, co
prairie dog photos: ws scans; patriots john white and curtis
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