There are many dangerous nutzys in the world. From the felonious tree-rat, Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel to the monsterous Skwerlfoot. Some will attack from above, others from below, but only one is a menace from the sea, Twiggy the Bushytail Buccaneer...

Twiggy's watery ways began in the later decades of the last century. Unlike the controversy surrounding Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel's longevity, it's generally agreed that there have been a series of Twiggy's, at least 5 generations.

Twiggy's modus operandi is to appear at boat shows around the the country. There, she dons water skis and circles a small pool to the delight of onlookers.

However, Anti-Squirrel Coalition (ASC) operatives say this seemingly innocent amusement masks a quarter-century of skwerlien mayhem involving two serious plots. One failed; the other succeeded.

The failed venture was an attempt by traitorous skwerlverts to clone Twiggy and launch an armada of drooling aqua-skwerls to menace the world's sea lanes.

   Unfortunately for the nutzy cause, all the Twiggys looked identical. The aqua-skwerls were easily distinguished from their drooling cousins by their little red life jackets, the ever-present sunscreen on their noses, and a penchant for water chestnuts (click Twiggy left for comment).

In late 2001, the Squirrel Enforcement Army (SEA) abandoned the project after a Twiggy named "Hercules" was run over by a remote-controlled speedboat and a Parisian Twiggy named Gerard Heroique was instantly killed when he ran into a floating beer bottle according to the ever-reputable Weekly World News (see link below).

The second, more successful plot is simplicity itself. Note that no currently active Twiggy performs outside a small, circular pool ringed by gawkers...

As Twiggy circles the pool, the audience sways this way and that. Eventually, the onlookers fall into a hypnotic trance punctuated by spontaneous admirations directed at Twiggy (click photo to hear example).

At that point, Twiggy floods the audience with subliminal messages promoting the false promises of squirrel world domaination.

Finally, the show is over and the crowd streams away unawares that every individual has been indoctrinated into luv-luv-luving the slavering skwerlballs.

But don't take our word for it. Below are two photos of Twiggy and a short video clip. Observe and draw your own conclusions. Click the photos for large versions and watch the film with your choice of viewers (note: our server isn't set to stream media. Those of you with slow connections may want to download the video for offline viewing)...

TWIGGY ON FILM windows media (872kb) real media (838kb)

PHOTO CREDITS: LEFT, TRACY WOODWARD, WASHINGTON POST; CENTER, UNKNOWN; VIDEO, CNN

ATTENTION SKWERLHUGGERS: Are you prepared to reject skwerlhuggery and the false promises of squirrel world domination but can't quite break away from your addiction? May we suggest joining Skwerlhuggers Anonymous - the easy 3-step program that will free you from the shackles of skwerlien oppression...

JOIN SKWERLHUGGERS ANONYMOUS