Patriots, you may remember we warned that the Social Security program was headed into to crisis back in 2001. Back then, reform failed, was placed on the back burner, and the future of the program remains uncertain today.

For those who don't know, Social Security is a federal program that pays cash benefits to retirees, the blind, the disabled, and others. Think of it as a pension or an annuity. You and your employer pay into the system through payroll taxes. For 2010, taxes are paid on the first $106,800.00 you earn each year but not above that amount. Then, you get a monthly check when you retire or otherwise become eligible for benefits. The amount you receive depends on how much you've paid in.

Some say that Social Security is in crisis because there are fewer workers paying into the system while the number of retirees and those closely approaching retirement age are increasing. Eventually, the system will take in less than it pays out and bankruptcy will ensue.

Various schemes have been devised to "save" Social Security. These include:

Raise the retirement age: some suggest age 72. The rationale behind this is that people are living longer, healthier lives and should have no problem working until then. Of course, the politicians who think this is true aren't performing heavy, manual labor. It's more likely that money will be saved because more people will drop dead before they reach retirement age.

Privatize Social Security and/or allow workers to pay into private retirement accounts: both plans would prosper on stock market investments. The collapse of the stock markets pretty much killed this idea.

Cut benefits now: the idea behind this scheme is that cutting benefits now means benefits won't be cut later. To the rich politicians that spout this nonsense we say stop feeding us crap now and you won't have to feed it to us later.

Remove the income cap on the Social Security payroll tax: this probably comes closest to solving the problem, at least in the short run. Removing the income cap will have no fiscal affect on those making less than the current Social Security Wage Base ($106,800.00), but those with incomes over the base will pay more. The downside is the possibility that small businesses may suffer and jobs may be lost.

Patriots, setting the merit of plans aside, in all the debate over Social Security, not one politician, or any pundit mention the most important fact. Just take a look at the photos below to see where this is going...


What do you see in the photos above? From left to right you see 1) a retiree passing secret information to a slavering nutzy, 2) a retiree training a Squirrel Enforcement Army recruit, and 3) a retiree spreading the false promises of squirrel world domination to a young Citizen (click pics for audio comments).

Quite clearly, millions of retirees are spending their Social Security checks in support of squirrel world domination.

CLICK FOR HIDEOUS CHITTER Moreover, all plans to save Social Security really divert an endless stream of your tax dollars to further the nutzy goal. For as the population ages, more and more retirees are added to the Social Security rolls and... well, you get the picture (click skwerl for audio comment).

Patriots, it seems that the bushytail horde has hijacked the Social Security program and is using it to destroy our way of life. There's only one certain way to stop this skwerlien conspiracy: END Social Security and the flow of tax dollars to the drooling chitterboxes will stop.

But dismantling Social Security is not an option for that, too, plays into the hands of the maniacal nutzys. Ending Social Security could plunge many millions into poverty and lead to a social, financial, and political apocalypse. So, here's our proposal to create a skwerl-safe Social Security program regardless of the plan used to salvage it:

Make it a federal offense for any person receiving Social Security benefits for themselves or on behalf of others to provide aid and/or comfort to the bushytail horde. Progressive discipline should be used to punish offenders. For example, a first offense might result in suspension of cost-of-living (COLA) increases, a second offense may earn a temporary or permanent reduction of benefits, a third offense would bring about a permanent termination of benefits, and all offenders would risk hard time in a federal prison.

Patriots, we think that Social Security is worth saving and that it can be done at the slavering nutzys' expense. So we recommend one more program adjustment. Reward those who use their benefits to help defeat squirrel world domination...

Give this Patriot a COLA and an extra crate of shells (click for audio comment)