UPDATE 07-11-2006 WITH YOUR COMMENTS
Patriots, we published our exposé of Antony the Squirrelman several months ago. Antony claims that he's developed a product that revives dead skwerls, the Bring-to-Life Squirrel Kit™.
We figured that Mr. Squirrelman would be committed to an asylum for the criminally insane by now. However, he remains unrestrained and determined as ever to raise the dead (nutzys).
Well, as hinted at above and charged in our original feature, we deemed Squirrelman insane and his "product" a fraud. However, we decided to put his invention to the test to see if it really worked.
Below are two short videos (in windows media). The one on the left is Antony's commercial presentation. In it, he appears to resurrect a happy, well-adjusted skwerlball. The one on the right shows the result of our test; and as you will see, it's not nice to fool with mother nature...
 
FALSE PROMISES: SQUIRRELMAN'S COMMERCIAL (L) VS. OUR TEST RESULTS (R)
There you have it, Patriots. Proof positive that Mr. Squirrelman's Bring-to-Life Squirrel Kit™ is really a tool for bringing dead chitterboxes back to life as an army of flesh eating undead nutzys.
Need we say more? This crazed minion of squirrel world domination must be stopped! (click Antony for comment)
We encourage you to scroll down for the rest of the story, reader comments, your chance to tell us what you think, and the link to Squirrelman's web site...
SQUIRRELMAN RESPONDS
Good day from your friend Antony. I have viewed your editorial on your website. I find this kind of smear campaigns reprehensible. What's wrong with you people??? As I clearly pointed out on my website "Squirrels are cool!!!" They brighten everyone's day-- young and old alike! So I refuse to fall into your trap of negativity. I'm going to remain as strident as a squirrel storing away his winter stash of nuts.
So far I've saved 174 squirrels (and one mouse by accident). And I have 1,074 more squirrel kits assembled that are ready to be sold on ebay. I will not be distracted by fraudulent "Big Foot" or "Nessy" type videos. Anyone can see that your cut-and-paste effort showing a squirrel eating a robin is clearly a fake!!! Everyone knows that squirrels eat nuts. They love seeds and popcorn snacks. They are cute, clever and yes, even huggable.
Please retract your comments so everyone can see the truth. You can change. Stay positive!!!
--Antony
squirrelman7.com
More from Squirrelman and your coments below
OUR ORIGINAL FEATURE
Patriots, imagine that you've just spent the day in the forest battling the bushytail horde. You return home satisfied that you've done the right thing by sending a few maniacal chitterboxes back to the skwerlien hell from which they sprang.
The next day you return to the forest for a family picnic. But wtf??? The skwerls you dispatched... are back... and they're not happy campers! What demonry is this!?! It can't be! Or can it?
Patriots, the foul agents of skwerlhuggery are constantly looking for ways to spread the tentacles of squirrel world domination.
Fortunately, brave Patriots labor tirelessly during hunting season to keep the scales in balance. However, one of the slavering skwerlballs' unbalanced minions claims to have developed a way to bring dead skwerls back to life.
This traitor to humanity calls himself Antony the SquirrelMan and his product the "Bring-To-Life Squirrel Kit"...
 
The product of a deranged mind: raising an army of the undead (click squirrelman for comment)
Skwerlhugger Antony found it appropriate to flaunt his discovery in an email to us. His procedure for reviving dead skwerls is remarkably simple. However, it remains unclear whether his method really produces a healthy, well-adjusted skwerlball, or but a rotting corpse that gambols about aimlessly.
So, could it be that this maniac has actually discovered a way to reanimate dead nutzys? But for what purpose? Is it simply to impress the neighbors or is a more sinister plot at hand?
Do the foregoing questions even need answers? We need fewer skwerls, not more. Clearly, this threat to civilization must be stopped. If not, how long before we find ourselves surrounded by insatiable skwerlien undead?
Patriots, this lunatic who calls himself Squirrelman must be brought to justice. Only then can we show him the error of his ways, convince him to turn away from the skwerlside, and return to the light of civilization.
MR. SQUIRRELMAN RESPONDS...
Hi, it's Antony. I'm familiar with your organization and am not sure that I entirely agree with your agenda.
Squirrels are cool and I refuse to believe they are part of any plot to sabotage the world or whatever you call it.
Their cute little tails are like magic wands that can change your mood from bad to good. You think I'm crazy? I say you're crazy!
If you are so excited about stomping out squirrels, please send your dead ones to me (brain must be intact).
Thanks,
Anthony
P.S. Please ask Skwerlhugger Jon to email me.
P.P.S. I'm sending you the right picture of the box. That's NOT Rodney on the one you have and I think Rodney is much better looking.
Ed. response: please send large resolution photos. For a steady supply of dead grey skwerls, you may want to negotiate a contract with the UK's Biodiversity Minister Jim Knight.
READER COMMENTS:
WOW! there is no reason for this.....
I guess if he can bring them back to life, it's no big deal plugging the little guys with "Rocky" my squirrel killing (and maiming sometimes) pellet gun. Named after the most famous squirrel of all.
I lost my pet squirrel, Earl, in a senseless drowning incident. A cruel neighbor failed to empty a tub in his backyard and Earl fell in. My mommy said that if I prayed real hard, then Earl would come back to life, but he didn't! I wish that I had this kit 8 months ago.
Anthony is a good man and is trying to be kind so I think he should keep on helping squirrels.
My name is Nicholas and I've made a team of squirrel loving kids. There is about 30 kids in the club. And every single one of us help squirrels! We are called the S.L.K.A.A. the Squirrel Loving Kids Across America. S.L.K.A.A. is pronounsed S L K double A.
Don't you peopel get it Anthony is a GOOD man!!! I am a 10 year old boy in Castle Rock ,Colorado and I say, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"SQUIRRELS ARE CUTE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent by the S.L.K.A.A.
very true!!!! less skwerls!!!!! i agree skwerlman needs to returnto civilization if he's ever been there!!!!!!!
Squirrelman,
Bringing squirrels back to life is kind and good! But can they have the same quality of life when they are flat and in several pieces? My husband and I have another operation which we also have answered a higher calling for. we break into vets office to correct the terrible wrongs done by the hideous and barbarous practice of docking dogs tails. Yes, we clone a new dog from those poor severed tails. It's the only way!
Squirrel Lover
This guy is nut's what the hell is up with him.The day some-one want's a once dead squirrel alive again tell me.If he chould bring the squirrel to life that is different and they should have looked more into it.But for now I say the man stay's in the cooky ben till he relizes that under paid employies like his self can't bring the dead back.
you dumb f**k u have 2 much time on your hands. redneck b_tch
squirrelman,why? How could you betray man with your squirrel bring-to-life kit? Do you wish to be forever a traitor in the history of mans battle against squirrels? Its not to late to join up on the right side squirrel helper. If you join us now forgiveness can be given. Why not use your powers for us? Please choose wisely.
Squirrels are cute, and I like them! (Chipmunks are better though). They actually plant trees when they can't find their acorns and I like their noses(don't ask). All in all, they are an iimportant portion of th ecosystem and if they become extict, biodivertity as we know it will crumble. (AND WEEEEEE!) =^.^= Zen =^.^=
This kit is gay. and I know for sure that it doesn't really work.
http://www.geocities.com/caroleena999/temporarypreviewfile.html?1150856852043 That's all I'm gonna say.
he is a crazy nut
I think skwerls r cool, so all you skwerl-hating freaks can burn, burn, burn! Oh yeah how much is a skwerl kit????
this guy is f__ked up. id like to c if the kit worked but the squirrel probably killed himself just because he had to live near this guy. i feel sorry for the squirrels now they have to put up with antony.
ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!!!!
He's psycho and he will be devoured by the very things he brought back to life as ravenous blood-thirsty things.(I say things because I dont know what to call them...monsters zombies and leeches aren't evil enough to describe it.)
Hi, We think squirrels rock. As we speak - "Sammy" and her babies are in a vertical cage, inside their comfortable hut (out of the rain). Oh did I mention - front and center in our livingroom. They have access to outside through a tube in the wall and are free to come and go as they please. Tonight - they are inside - out of the rain. Here's to all the squirrel lovers of the world. Squirrel crazy in PA!!
Off with his cape! Than ....a lobotomy!
no skwerl man.... that mean!!!
How about just leaving the squirrels alone? If they die, they die. If they live, they live. Big deal. Besides, if you raise all the dead squirrels to life, you're going to have an overpopulation problem.
I LOVE SQUIRRELS AND I'VE SEEN A LOT OF THINGS BUT THIS IS NOT PUSHING THE LIMIT THIS IS SETIING IT
Both sides have good points and bad points:
Scarysquirrel:
good: realizes that skwerlz are taking over
bad: think thats a bad thing
Squirrelman:
good: realizes that skwerlz are good
bad: doesn't think they are taking over
SKWERLS WILL RULE THE WORLD!
shweet!!! Site I love squirrels I love the pics also I want that kit!!!!!!!!! LoL
and i thought i was insane!!! he fugin scares me!!
SSW,mind sending me the link to buy these? I agree with a previous poster and I have some extra money,the only reason id do this is knowing that a skwerl will permanantly stay dead. I could use it to test if it actually worked on a dead skwerl with it's guts blown out by my own G22. If that worked,Id dedicate my life to murdering that guy and tossing all of the remaining kits into a furnace.
what are you thinking bringing dead things back to life if you died would you want us to bring you back???okay bad question but why squirrels??? Oh and by the way squirrels do need protien and do feed off of smaller creatures than themselves.
He's body will be invaded by a DARK SPIRIT SOON!!!.
uhhhh... :|
Guh? What have i stumbled onto here? I just came on looking for a simple picture of a squirrel because they ammuse and i wanted to photoshop one into a tutu, and i get THIS! This crazy site about a creepy man who spends all his time trying to bring dead squirrels to life because ooh, necrophilia isnt enough for him is it? IS IT!?
ALL I WANTED WAS A PICTURE OF A SQUIRREL! Is that so much to ask for?
I feel your pain,SSW. I am a hunter in favor of the ASC,i've been mauled by a rabid one before. if this S.O.B. is trying to revive the skwerls that I just ate (*burp*) he's literally gonna have to go through me! can you get this guy's address?
Er... If sqirrels are going to take over the world anyway, then why don't we all become skwerlhuggerz or whatever you nut jobs call them, then we can all live happy and forget about it ~I want a Peanut.
He's loony! seriosly!It was a funny clip a little cheesy!? everybody thinks I'm squirrel crazy but he takes the cake! I agree with u guys he's freaking crazy he scares the sh_t out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does It Work On People Too? I Miss My GrandPaaaaa ;-;
acoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorl!!! as a squirrel would say!
Well, im a Squirrel lover myself and this is awsome!!! Squirrels and explosives, my two favorite things. This is the best invention sence duct tape!
In my school people think im wiered because i like like squirrels, now I know im not alone. ~A STUDENT FROM MAINE
ok now thats not fair! they can revive skwerls, but not humans! if i had the red button i would nuke them.
Dude killing squirrels?! bad idea. squirrels are more inteligent than we think, they are government trained, on secret missions around the globe 2 bring justice and an all round chilled environment to our inner self. government trained squirrels have recently joined forces with hedgehogs to create the hedgehog karma, goto msn.myspaces and astroman.no1 to read all about the karma, how it originated and most of all how to become a new recruit of hedgehog karma clan.
I HATE HIPPIES WHO LIKE SQUIRRELS! I KILL SQUIRRELS ALL THE TIME..... THEY ARE GOOD EATIN'.... HAVE YOU EVER HAD SQUIRREL N DUMPLINGS... MAN MY GRANDMA FIXES ME THAT EVERY SUNDAY.... GOSH I LOVE MY GRANDMA..... SHE'S HOTT!!!!!!!!!!!! SINCERELY, DR. LOVE
I love it,i think its a great idea.
Squirrels are a mennace to society, worse than crack and aids combined. We must bring this squirrel man to justice and hang him in public square. unfortunatly an idea can never be destroyed, so we must all prepare for the zombie invasion, this guy has started it and Ash shall end it. Shotguns and Ramens are all you will need
its great but squirrels are nasty good luck with the future ~from jessica
o, free red bull and a "pet" skwerl
i love squirrels. Yes they will take over the world. I have a suspision that bunnies will be involved......and cats. I LOVE SQUIRRELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........THEY WILL RULE. THis is not a joke. This is a real comment from a reall person who loves squirrels
you f**king psyco get a f**king life or a girlfriend
sincearly,
clayton
your a freakin loser tryin to bring a squirrel back to life, this ain't the movies
I think dr. Frandinstien needs major mental rehab.
this had to be the weirdest thing i have ever seen what dumb minded loser would spend there free time on this.
it's me the only squirrelman go down you phony
Heck'o funny
DOWN WITH SQUIRRELMAN!
u rule squirrel mam
why would someon kill a squirrel anyway?! they are so cute =]
ha ha ha ha ha ha my brother throws balls at skwels ha ha ha ha ha and chases them in the car HA
hay squirrelman,
squirrels rule the world!!!
annie
You squirrel torcherer's
THATS HOTT. -DJIZZLE
could you stop spelling squirrel "skwerl" or whatever seriously its mad stupid annoying for shizzle to the mizzax
SKWERLS ARE COOL BUT THAT GUY HAS TAKEN IT TOOOO FAR!!!!
Dont worry I will destroy this evil squirrel necromancer! Yummy The Norwegian forest cat
WTF?!?!? SQUIRRELS R TYRIN TO KILL EVRYTHING. WE HAVE A BORD FEEDER AND ITS ON BAR THING. THE SQURRELS TRY TO EAT THE FOOD. SO U NO WAT WE DID. ATTCHED A 1000 VOLT ELCTRIC THING TO IT. NOW WHEN THEY RUN I GET PAID 10 BUKS PER SQUIRREL I KILL ON THE POLE.
i need one of those kits p.s i'm squirrel girl
I believe that squirrels came to this world from their homeplanet ((squirreltopia)) to fight against the unknown evil..so really theyre not trying to take over our world..they are fighting for us!
I have raised, released and rescued many squirrels. All have been very smart and very cool. I have one who will take things like cell phones and pens, but will trade with a pecan at the moment. Next week it will be an almond.
CLEARLY THIS MAN IS AN UNDER-COVER SQUIRREL! I MEAN HE'LL CREATE PLATOONS OF ZOMBIE SQUIRRELS!
squirrels are the best bringing them to life is awsome
For him, I have no words. Thank God I've found someone weirder than me! If I thought it would really work , I'd get a kit.
I think its sweet someone is looking out for the squirrels; they are so misunderstood.
I'm offended that this website is calling squirrels 'demons from hell' and such like that. It is really gross. You guys are freaks.
Contents may explode ?? o.o
I'm all for it :) Good luck in your raising the dead thing .
Are you wearin' real squirrel furs? If u are, i hate uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! squirrelhater! from... squirrel lover
to... squirrel haters everywhere!!!!!!!!
WTF??? squirrels are evil and want to take over the world.. who would want to revive one or dress like one.. i have been bitten like 3 times for trying to feed the little thing... they are all bad im telling you.. i mean comeon they are tree vermin.. rats with bushy tails come one now people..
I think that if he can 'reanimate' our little friends, then he should be considered a witch.
this rocks my nuts
y bother bringing them bak to life they'll kill u right after anyway
Do something constuctive, bring Elvis back (the skinny elvis)
land of the living squirrels!!!!!!!!
can you be a clown at my party
YOU ALL BETTER LIKE THIS BECUZ SQUIRRELZ KNOW EVERY PLACE EVERY CORNER EVERY EVERYTHING SO YOU LOSER KNOW ONE DAY THEY WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD SO YOU ALL SHUT UP ABOUT LOSER AND STUFF CUZ IT HELPS SQUIRRELS AND SQUIRRELS ARE THE MOST AWSOMEIST COOLEST NICEST THING IN THE WORLD SO BE NICE UNLESS YOU WANT THEM TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND TAKE US ALL TO...I CANT SAY THAT WORD SO !@$#%
HA like a bring to life squirrel kit will help! or will it?
Kill the "patriots", squirrels are awesome, I have now sent my horde of Squirrels from saturn to help the ones on earth fight for their freedom. This is WAR do you here me you squirrel haters? WAR, you shall all die
can i have 1 plz
that is very descusting
He looks like a mutated shemale Brownie who has sniffed to much glue
Hi It's Antony again. You can buy my squirrel kit on ebay! Search for it under "revitalize squirrel" you'll love it. I do and I love squirrels.
Ed. note: does the kit arrive on ice?
you guys are losers
Hey, that guy is Bill Gates!
And to think, this man could easily modify this kit to bring back the People who have died from the atrocities that have befallen the human race. But instead, he uses it to bring back dead squirrels for what we can assume leaves the realm of simple skwerlhuggery and into treason against humans.
at least someone is stickin up for the little guys!!!
That Squirrels should be in a house and that squirrels should be free.
I think whoever came up with this idea definately has too much time on their hands.And Im fascinated to see who would actually pick up a squirrel and (attempt)to bring it back to life..... Get a Hobby!!!
I think the skrewles are good, and i will join against you to save them!
This is only *one* reason why Red Bull should be pulled from the market.
ok hes really weird
that suit is awsome! You should know im a BIG squirrels lover.Go squirrels!!!!!!!!!!
what a f__cking FREAK
Perhaps the Patriots should pool their money and buy up all of the Squirrel kits on ebay (4 posted presently) before Squirrelman unleashes his furry fury upon humankind.
How much do these kits cost? I'd like to buy about a hundred of them and carry them in the trunk of my car.
One question remains about the workings of the Bring-To-Life Squirrel Kit: When the squirrel is reanimated, does it retain its original Mephistophelean mind, is it a mindless zombie under the control of the reanimator, or does something else occur? The reanimation experiments of of West et al and the later independent work of his pupil Sir Clapham-Lee suggest that freshness of the corpse is critical to its mental function. Furthermore, subjects tend to react with displeasure when yanked back from beyond. However, Clapham-Lee's work has demonstrated that it is possible to get and keep control over the weaker, longer-dead subjects who have been brought back from beyond, and that a sufficiently fresh and properly-prepared corpse can regain its full mental faculties.
The Bring-To-Life Kit appears to use an advanced variant of the West reanimation process, with the critical drug administered transdermally instead of intravenously. The drug has clearly undergone drastic improvements since West's initial stumbling steps, and is now based on readily-available Red Bull. It's not inconcievable that it can work with less-fresh bodies, although if Skwerlhugger Antony intends to create an undead army under his command, less-fresh corpses might better serve his purposes. Clapham-Lee is believed to have spent the last eighty or so years working on an improved, easier-to-administer variant of the West process - could this kit be the end-result?
This is clearly more than a simple skwerlhugging necromancer. That fixed, almost waxen smile of Skwerlhugger Antony is hiding something...
~anonymous
Why do you love skwerls so much, Squirrelman?
that squirrel sould not have gun at all
I only want to see a photo of a chipmunk and a squerl
i like the furry quality to his quantum plux suit of death
I think he seems cool
There are a couple of good indicators in "SquirrelMan's" photo that make me think that I am not going to lose sleep over this!
For starters, anyone who insists on wearing an piece of old carpet clearly discarded by a troup of passing gyppos, is about as hazardous as cotton wool.
Secondly, if you look closely at the box, it states "warning: contents may explode", which tells me that it either a modified fizzy drinks dispenser, or some strange mixture of bicarbonate of soda and cream of tartar. Neither of which will restore a deceased squirrel to the height of health, more than likely it will inflate a previously flattened dead rodent, and with a clever valve mechanism, give the impression that the menace is breathing by virtue of the fact that the rib cage moves up and down.
~Patriot Aitch.
F__king Halirous!
Where are the Patriots the mighty mighty Patriots!
this is not scary!!!!!!!!!!
skwerlz r prittee and fuzzee
I think Squirrels are cool, and you satanic gun loving anti-squirrel sadists can go to hell. HA!
OK THATS ODD BUT IT DOSE HELP THE SQUIRRELS, I THINK
What a FReak? What kind of pewrson dresses up like a skwerl! MuAh J-Dizzle
Ed. note: while we certainly agree with the implications in your email, let's stay on topic here, the guy's raisin' the dead fer cripes sakes
dude this is flat out disturbing.
you need a freaking life
i agree we must stop this humiliation throw nuts ,poo any thing u got swarm swarm swarm dive dive dive
can i have the squirrel kit
I was a dead sqwerel once. And I should have stayed dead. But now back to life I feast on the nummy nut brains of goldilocked kindergartners and senate interns.
i hate it
that's is sooooo f__king funny dude rock on
I wish I could see a real squirrel for real life plesea and thankyou by Holly Marie Hickey.........
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