Patriots, what follows is the shocking proof promised in our original feature, Lucky Left Eye and the Single Skwerl Theory. Those who haven't read our report should do so now:

For the rest of you, suffice to say that Lucky Left Eye may be the Squirrel Enforcement Army's most notorious operative. He is implicated in some of the most horrific crimes committed over the past 40+ years. However, while his paw print is oft seen in the aftermath of tragedy, proof of Lucky's existence has deluded investigators... until now.

Patriots, the photos that follow seem almost anti-climatic in view of the lurid crimes described in our original feature; but there can be no doubt, this is Lucky Left Eye:

Photos courtesy of Patriot Thompson - click for large versions

Of course, there are still pathetic naysaying skwerlverts who will deny that the nutzy pictured above, observed while menacing visitors to a park in Seattle, Washington (USA), is the real Lucky Left Eye. Consider the response of National Forest Service spokesperson, Ranger Bob Woodward upon viewing the photos for the first time...

*GASP!* ...where did you get these??? Lucky Left Eye? There is no murderous assassin squirrel... there is NO Lucky Left Eye!!! In fact, looks to me like your squirrel should be called "Unlucky Right Eye!!!" SECURITY!!!

Perhaps a name change is in order, Bob. But an assassin by any other name is still an assassin. Moreover, Patriot Thompson's photos aren't the only images of Lucky surfacing...

Here are some pictures taken yesterday from the Mystic River in Boston, Massachusetts of a swimming squirrel. I couldn't believe what I saw. I was on my kayak and fishing for some big stripers that were in the area. I wasn't getting any fish until I saw this squirrel in the channel swimming around. I found the fish after paddling along side of this (squirrel) I wish to call "lucky". I say lucky because if there were bluefish present he would have been history. Let me know what you think of these pics. Thanks. ~Patriot Jeff

A lucky Lucky Left Eye? Photo by Patriot Jeff

There you have it. Unrelenting proof that one of the world's most dangerous skwerls remains at large, crossing the continent and beyond to fulfill his godless mission: spreading squirrel world domination through his nefarious deeds.

But what should we say to pathetic skwerlhuggers who still insist that Lucky Left Eye is nothing more than a poor, harmless, little half-blind chitterbox that deserves to be treated to copious amounts of delicious nuts and/or other tribute?

Patriots, our investigators reviewed 1000's of first-hand reports and interviewed 100's of eyewitnesses. All agreed, the skwerl known as Lucky Left Eye may be lucky, but he is hardly nice (click photo for eyewitness comment - click here for video - 241K windows media).

Thus, we can only say, should you encounter Lucky Left Eye; that is, if you are lucky enough to see him coming first, we urge all Patriots do simply do the right thing - stand for no skwerl and oppose the forces of squirrel world domination.

CLICK TO HEAR TUFTY'S TRIBUTE TO LUCKY LEFT EYE - THIRTEEN - in windows media

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ATTENTION SKWERLHUGGERS: Were you appalled by Lucky Left Eye's violent history? Are you prepared to reject skwerlhuggery and the false promises of squirrel world domination but can't quite break away from your addiction? May we suggest joining Skwerlhuggers Anonymous - the easy 3-step program that will free you from the shackles of skwerlien oppression...

JOIN SKWERLHUGGERS ANONYMOUS