Patriots, what would you do if you saw a little injured skwerl struggling to cross the street? Yes, you could do that, or you could do what skwerlhugger Vaalea did: take the skwerlball home, nurse it back to health and give it a name... Buddy.

You might also create a web shrine to your new skwerlien master. There you'd document how you saved the nutzy and, of course you'd populate it with all manner of photos of the chitterbox. Which is just what skwerlhugger Vaalea did.

But you might not know a plain fact: the drooling bushytail has an agenda; one that promotes the skwerlien plan for squirrel world domination...

Buddy the Skwerl - from Vaalea's Raising a Squirrel page (see link below)

Did skwerlhugger Vaalea know what she was in for when she brought Buddy into her home? We think not, but perhaps we'll never know for sure. We tried to contact Vaalea for more information about Buddy, but never received a response...

This we do know, Buddy the Skwerl weaseled his way into skwerlhugger Vaalea's home in a bushytail attempt to infiltrate the world of high fashion as a... fashion model...

Buddy the Beautiful?

How did we reach our shocking conclusion? Consider this scenario... a Squirrel Enforcement Army operative is injured and taken in by an impressionable young woman.

As it turns out, the woman's friend is a professional fashion photographer who also takes a shining to the nutzy. The chitterbox seizes the opportunity to infiltrate the fashion industry. Why? To end forever the world-wide market for squirrel tails, squirrel fur jackets and the latest rage, squirrel foot necklaces.

Unfortunately for Buddy's nefarious plan, something went wrong, terribly wrong. Perhaps his tail wasn't bushy enough, or maybe his ears lacked symmetry. Whatever the reason, Skwerl Buddy's fashion career was short lived; limited to a single shoot.

From there it was all downhill. Skwerlhugger Vaalea records how Buddy began spending more and more time isolated in his room. He became sullen and angry. He damaged property for no apparent reason. And from Vaalea's photo history of the slavering nutzy, it's obvious that he became addicted to Caramilk and even... marijuana...

   
Buddy into the abyss: swilling Caramilk and rolling a blunt one
click first and last photos for comment

By the time Buddy hit bottom, Vaalea had had it. She crated the skwerl up and released him at a local park. But the damage had been done. Vaalea was now a hopeless skwerlhugger.

Thus, it was no surprise that she felt guilty about abandoning Skwerl Buddy and found herself drawn back to the park time and again...

"I go back to the park everyday to see if I can spot him, unfortunately (the skwerls) all look the same from far away. I leave him some food and feed the other squirrels there (some taking it out of my hands)... So while I may not get to enjoy the company of Buddy, I am making new friends."

That might've been the end of the story, except we tried to contact skwerlhugger Vaalea for more information about Buddy.

When we receive no reply to our email, we investigated further. It seems that Vaalea hasn't updated any of her pages since November 21, 2003. Her last comment...

I got off the bus last night, and I turned to look back at it, and it ends up that I had just gotten off the "666 Special".

Patriots, could this final entry be a cryptic and apocalyptic cry for help? Is it possible that Buddy and his chitterbox friends have sought to avenge themselves on Vaalea for not doing more to promote Buddy's fashion career (click buddy for comment)?

Or perhaps Vaalea simply succumbed fully to the false promises of squirrel world domiantion and now lives in a tree in the park where she caters to the whims of the bushytail horde...?

It may be that we'll never know the answer the this final question. But, we encourage you to initiate your own investigation by visiting skwerlhugger Vaalea's below and then let us know...

ATTENTION SKWERLHUGGERS: Are you appalled by skwerlhugger Vaalea's possible fate? Are you prepared to reject skwerlhuggery and the false promises of squirrel world domination but can't quite break away from your addiction? May we suggest joining Skwerlhuggers Anonymous - the easy 3-step program that will free you from the shackles of skwerlien oppression...

JOIN SKWERLHUGGERS ANONYMOUS