Patriots, most of you know that we run a feature on National Squirrel Awareness Week (NSAW) every year (see link below). We view NSAW as a reminder that we must be ever-vigilant in our righteous struggle against squirrel world domination.

Our NSAW feature mentions that the United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Wales, N. Ireland) also has a skwerl week, Red Squirrel Week. This year (2007), Red Squirrel Week runs from September 30 through October 06. Some of you have asked why there are two separate skwerl weeks and what's the difference between them.

NSAW began and is recognized in North America. It was started by degenerate skwelhuggers to celebrate the unfortunate fact that skwerls exist, and exist in plentifulness numbers throughout the United States, Mexico, and Canada. Skwerlhuggers view this as a good thing in spite of overwhelming evidence that the bushytail horde plans to enslave us all if squirrel world domination comes to pass.

On the other hand, Red Squirrel Week was created to help bring attention to the plight of the UK's red skwerl, Sciurus vulgaris (aka the Nutzy Rouge). It seems that the Nutzy Rouge are close to extinction in the UK because the North American grey nutkin, Sciurus carolinensis), was imported into England many years ago. Unfortunately, the gray went from a merely dangerous chitterbox in America to a slavering, maniacal, skwerl-o-cidal super-nutzy bent on destroying the British empire as soon as it set foot on English soil....

Here's what happened in a nutshell: In 1752, American inventor/politician Ben Franklin had his brain fried when lightning hit a kite he was flying. He picked up a nearby gray skwerl and took it to England.

The English were impressed, but it wasn't until they evolved into Victorians that they got the bright idea to bring more gray squirrels over from the former colonies. They released the grays onto their estates and into their public parks expecting to be amused by the bushytails' antics.

We're not sure how many grays were imported into England, but they were soon gambolling unrestricted across the country. Unfortunately, the indigenous Nutzy Rouge and the Gray Menace didn't get along. The grays are relentless eating machines who'll eat just about anything that can't or won't get out of their way. While they didn't eat too many reds, they did eat up the Nutzy Rouge's food and then some. The grays also carry a pox virus to which they're immune. But, suprise-surprise, the pox can be fatal in red skwerls.

Anyway, this is all covered elsewhere on this website and across the internet, but the current status of this red-gray conflict is this: the red skwerl may be eliminated from England, Scotland, and Wales (and possibly Ireland) sometime in the next 20-50 years.

RED VS. GRAY; CLICK THIRD PIC FROM LEFT FOR SHOCKING VIDEO OF RED MAKING ITS DREY (NEST)

When skwerlhuggers in the UK noticed that most of their squirrels were gray, they mounted a campaign to save the Nutzy Rouge. How? There are two basic plans: 1) cull (kill) all the grays, and/or 2) partition the UK so that some areas are red-only enclaves.

Needless to say, these plans leave the UK's skwerlhugger community conflicted. The plan to cull any skwerl is abhorrent to skwerlhuggery's goals, and the partition plan exposes one of the false promises of squirrel world domination: that skwerls will create a utopian society in which everyone will get along.

Patriots, a resolution to this skwerlien civil war is simply not in our best interests. It doesn't matter who wins. For once it's over, the victor will turn its slavering attention to subjugating the people of the UK and forcing them into an endless cycle of nut harvesting... or worse (click skwerl for comment).

So, Red Squirrel Week and its clandestine purpose to promote squirrel world domination is not the answer to the UK's skwerly problems. The only reasonable solution is...