Patriots, toilets and toilet skwerls are subjects few care to discuss. However, a rash of toilet skwerl attacks prompts us to revisit the issue.
Perhaps you've seen the 911 call video we posted a week or so ago, found it to be an interesting oddity, and considered it an isolated incident but nothing more.
Unfortunately, skwerlien home invasions often begin in the toilet, a fact we reported on in the past (see our exposé It Came From Within linked below). In our report, we revealed how maniacal nutzys use air vents to gain entry to plumbing and then into homes through the toilet.
Why a slavering chitterbox would choose such a dangerous route into a house remains a mystery. Certainly, it's easier to just chew through a wall or enter via an attic. Maybe it's the fear factor. Even manly frat boys squeal like little girls when confronted by a toilet skwerl (see Frat Attack link below).
After publishing several videos of toilet skwerl attacks, some wondered if the same skwerl was responsible for all the attacks. This Single Squirrel Theory doesn't hold water. A quick search of video and photo dumps like YouTube and Flickr reveal many instances of failed toilet skwerl attacks (i.e. the nutzy drowns).
Those holding on to the single skwerl theory argue that all the videos of successful toilet skwerl attacks reveal the culprit to be a gray squirrel, while most of the dead ones appear to be red and fox nutzys. They argue that these are copycat attempts and that a single, demonic Toilet Skwerl is guilty of the successful atatcks.
Patriots, we may not know why chitterboxes choose to attack through toilets or whether a skwerl or skwerls are responsible for the attacks. However, we have a solution, one that is so obvious we're flabbergasted why we didn't think of it before.
The solution can be had in the video below. We found it searching for more evidence of the toilet skwerl phenomena. In it, Curtis Peepnot rants on two subjects: why he hates skwerls and what he thinks about automatic flush toilets. If that doesn't turn on a light bulb for you, we'll explain more after you view the video...
Patriots, Curtis doesn't know it, but he's inadvertently solved the toilet skwerl problem. With a few simple modifications, any automatic toilet can be programmed to flush if a skwerl enters the bowl... Need we say more except, set your toilet to flush twice... it's a long way back to the tree.