Patriots, you've all seen the horror movies where unspeakable evil lurks in and bursts forth from a kitchen or bathroom sink. Pretty scary and no matter how many times you see it, it always makes you jump, right?
However, you can take solace in the fact that these scenes are just make believe. Or are they?
Consider the following video clip of a demonic nutzy emerging from... a toilet:
FEELING FLUSHED - A MANIACAL SKWERLBALL LIES IN WAIT - CLICK SCREENSHOT FOR VIDEO CLIP!
So, how does a vicious skwerlien get into one's toilet? There are a number of possible scenarios. Here are five:
1. Placement by party or parties, known or unknown: in this case, the nutzy is aided by a minion, usually human, but dogs and cats are not above suspicion. Probablity is low and generally confined to frat houses and other dens of practical jokery. However, if the skwerl is dead, and drowning isn't the cause, a pet may be the culprit.
2. Assault through an unprotected entryway: e.g. the skwerl enters via an open back door, runs down the hall, and leaps into the toilet. Possible, but not probable.
3. An attempt at disposal: some people, unfamiliar with what can be reasonably flushed down a toilet, will attempt to flush a dead skwerl. Not a likely scenario, but you'd be wise to educate members of your household to this fact: skwerls won't flush. (Click skwerl for comment)
4. Placement by a misguided Anti-Squirrel Coalition supporter: perhaps someone you know is militantly anti-squirrel. Would they take extreme measures to dispatch a maniacal chitterbox? Then a reprimand is needed. The Anti-Squirrel Coalition does not support waterboarding or any other form of animal cruelty that is tantamount to torture. Let's not stoop to the level of the slavering bushytails, folks.
5. Entry through the plumbing: believe it or not, this is not only possible, but probable in most cases. The chitterbox could travel up a sewer line into the house, but more likely the nutzy infiltrator descends down a toilet vent and then into the toilet itself. Check out the video below to see a crazed chitterbox emerge from a roof-top toilet vent.
CLICK TO SEE SKWERL EMERGE FROM TOILET VENT
Ok, we know you're all asking, why would a skwerl voluntarily get into a toilet? We admit that this is a complicated achievement. However, we're also mystified as to the why of it. Perhaps someone has done research on the subject and can enlighten us, and when we do have an answer, we'll revisit the issue.
In the meantime, we can say this: the next time you hear strange noises in your pipes, you may want to think twice before calling a plumber. What you may really need is an exterminator...
Top from an original by Tom McBride; skwerl disposal photo by S. Ripperton