scary squirrel world SKWERLHUGGERY EXPOSED

Patriots, the minions of squirrel world dominion are adept at spreading the false promises of squirrel world domination via the media.

We see it in news reports, commercials, cartoons, and online in video dumps like YouTube. The message of squirrel world domination offered in various media forms is often disguised, sometimes blatant. However, anyone viewing this tripe, especially the young, the cognitively impaired, and those with serious personality disorders are at risk of becoming drooling skwerlhuggers and skwerlverts.

In order to combat the skwerlien media scourge, we remain ever-vigilant and prepared to expose nutzy propaganda whenever it poses a grievous threat to the public.

Consider the following screenshot from a new children's show developed by the National Network of Digital Schools and offered on WPGH Fox-53 Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (beginning January 04, 2010). We apologize for the blurry image, but we're sure you'll get the picture...

Almost everyone will immediately note that a skwerl figures prominently in Meet Me at the Great Tree. What ups the ante is the in the show's title and displayed in the screenshot: the "Great Tree".

For those that don't know, the blasphemy of Orthodox Skwerlhuggery teaches that there are two sacred trees, the Tree of Delicious Nuts (ToDN) and the Great Tree. The ToDN was brought to earth millions of years ago by the Mystical Nice Squirrel. From it, the first skwerls sprang.

Where did the Nice Squirrel get the ToDN? He took a cutting from the Great Tree that sits in orbit on the far side of the sun. The Great Tree is the abode of the Nice Squirrel and the souls of all deceased chitterboxes (for more info see our Squirrels in Heaven page). Taken literally or as a metaphor, the order to meet at the Great Tree is a blatant call to skwerlhuggery.

Socrates As for the show's skwerl, Socrates, the name alone implies wisdom. While we find Socrates' appearance to be somewhat psychotic, it's certain that most innocent children and many common Citizens will find him amusing, entertaining, and informative.

Patriots, we know what some of you are thinking... Why should you care about a local children's show in Philadelphia? If you live in Philadelphia, the answer is simple: think of the children.

For the rest of you, the name of the show's producer, the National Network of Digital Schools, holds the clue (keyword national). Press releases suggest that the NNDS hopes that Meet Me at the Great Tree will be a hit and end up in syndiction around the world... And if it does, here's a sample of what you can expect:

Patriots, Meet Me at the Great Tree clearly has some redeeming social value. We don't think it should be banned, but it is time to make a couple of changes.

First, change the name of the tree to anything that doesn't smack of skwerlhuggery. For example, changing the name to Meet Me at the Magic Nut Tree is bad, but Meet Me at the Old Nutless Tree works.

Click to hear hawk and skwerl Second, lose the skwerl. There are plenty of other tree-dwelling animals to choose from. Bark beetles and tree frogs come to mind. Or what about Our Pal in the animal kingdom, the red-tailed hawk. They eat skwerls (click photo for comment).

Of course, it might be more traditional to go with a wise owl seeing as the character's name is Socrates. However, an owl's ability to do stand-up comedy along with dispensing wisdom is questionable.

There you have it. Another nutzy plot exposed and a resonable solution proposed. For those tempted to tune in, we remind you that even small doses of skwerlien propaganda can turn an otherwise stable child into a rambling skwerlvert...



Photo credit: Skwerl and Hawk by P R Gamburd