scary squirrel world FROZEN SQUIRREL ALERT

Patriots, when skwerl hunting season ends, many of you may have stocked your freezer with the bounty of your effort. Unfortunately, some of you are courting disaster. For while it's commonly known how many skwerls you can take in the field, many Patriots and skwerl-hunting citizens have no idea how many chitterboxes they can store in their freezer at any one time.

If you don't know the answer to the freezer question, you may find yourself in dutch with the law as illustrated in this news brief...

A woman is arrested for cultivating marijuana. Among the items seized as evidence are 40 frozen squirrels found in the woman's freezer. In addition to the drug charges, authorities cite the woman for exceeding the statutory limit for dead squirrels in her freezer (Source: Fresno Bee).

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A chilling discovery - click skwerl for comment - photo by Patriot Mary

Patriots, the notion of a statutory limit on the number of dead skwerls you can stuff in a freezer is repugnant. We also wonder to what extent the "authorities" are willing to go to guarantee compliance with this law. So, we asked National Forest Service spokesman, Ranger Bob Woodward, to tell us if we can expect goose-stepping wildlife officers to begin searching our refrigerators and freezers for illegally frozen nutzys. His response follows...

How did you get past the front desk and what the h_ll are you talking about!?! Oh.... wait.... I think I hear the freezer police goose stepping down the hall now... You'd better run!!!! SECURITY!!!

Nice try, Bob, but your refusal to answer a simple question simply confirms the obvious: Somehow, the bushytail horde weaseled this preposterous rule into law as a way to oppress Patriots and citizens alike.

As for the risk of arrest for loading up your freezer with skwerlballs, we gauge it at low, unless you're a drug dealer, or liable to have your home searched for some other criminal activity such as the reprehensible action of this fool...

A man was arrested after an altercation with his wife. During the melee, he assaulted her with a frozen squirrel obtained from the couple's freezer. Police were at a loss to explain the presence of the frozen squirrel (Source: News of the Weird Online).

Finally, Patriots, we admonish you, do not tempt fate with the careless handling of frozen skwerls. Consider the nightmare in criminal and civil actions that might fall upon you if you're responsible for this kind of mishap...

A schoolbus ran off the road, injuring 20, when a frozen squirrel hit the windshield. The bus driver reported that a car, with a frozen squirrel embedded in snow on the vehicle's roof, passed the bus moments before the accident (Source: USA Today).

So, what have we learned from all this? Three important things: freeze too many skwerls, you may go to jail; 2) frozen skwerls make good weapons; and 3) securely tie your frozen skwerls to the roof of your car before taking to the road...

READER COMMENTS

I had a squirrel suffocate in a clear plastic tube bird feeder trying to get the seed from the bottom went in head first and got stuck. I threw it up in the woods. Some other critter probably found it and had a nice squirrel meal. If you want the best fresh restaurant squirrel, try Ed's Squirrel Hut up on route 12.


Quite a change from what I'm used to down South. The main contributor to the squirrel attrition rate down here is electrocution. I hadn't considered freezing electrocuted squirrels as pre-cooked meals until reading your site, thanks!
This is perhaps the funniest thing on the internet thus far! Is it because skwerls are funny, that frozen skerls are so much funnier? Please keep poking fun at ALL skwerls, it's FUNNY!!! For those people who are offended, there are two "solutions" as to the way in which one should handle it... The first, don't look, take your eyes and attention somewhere else and forget the offending URL... The second, and this is the harshest, GET OVER YOURSELVES!!! It's humor, get it? Finally, a parting quote from Horace, "A jest often decides matters of importance more effectually and happily than seriousness." See? Just laugh!
You hillbilly freaks should stop eating squirrels! Its so freakin stupid and nasty.It would be more normal to be a canibal. SICK DISGUSTING FREAKS!!! this web site should be shut down for its stupid remarks. THE SQUIRRELS WILL RULE YOU ALL!!
Who among us HASN'T, at one time or another, taken their favorite cocktail and made it ALL THAT MUCH BETTER by adding a few innocent cubes of Chitter to the mix? I myself have once or twice (for medicinal reasons) gone down that road of making sure I had an adequate supply of nutzys in deep freeze to last me thru the winter for that occasional cold, lonely night when I need to anesthetize myself for the weekend-to the inhumanity that surrounds me in every direction. If a few skwels are STUPID enough to eat out of my hand.... who am I to judge? They know the risks.....
what the hell?
CARAJO!!! que mamadas!! pongo las ardillas que quiera en el refri y fin!!!!!, maldito gobierno!!!
man y cant them squirrels stay outta my freezer they jus like to play in there i guess too bad they freeze i wind up havin to make squrriel stew its good u should try it sum time
eat the squirrels before you put marijuana in them... you shouldn't have to put them in the freezer in the first place!!! they're soo small that you can eat at least 7 in one sitting!!!
u guys are spelling squirrels wrong... just so ya know...
In Retaliation against those who take lightly any frozen squirrle , shooting them and any other harmful thing you could think to do, I am dispatching STEALTH, the Black Nato Stealth Squirrel to all your homes Pee Cee's. There is nothing you can do about that either. Symantic can't help you. Bars on your windows and doors, and electrifying your PC won't help either. Disconnecting? he will find it. Doomed. Doom on U. USNBSSX86
Do you people have nothing better to do then kill, freeze, and eat poor squirrels.This is why you must all die.ANIMAL ABUSE.You should all go to hell for your criminal acts. If the squirrels dont kill you all then I will.You people are so fu*king nasty.You will all die a slow painful death. MUHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
I think that the squirrel lover girl infront of me is over reacting just a little bit.YOU SICK BASTAR---
You squirrel freezers are so fu**ed up.that is so disturbing.The squirrels will come back and kill you all.FU**ERS!!!!
DONT FREZZ UM EAT UM
I once ate a frozen squirrl like a popsicle
I THINK THAT JOVANNA IS SEGRETLY A SQURIL
Freezing a squirrel would be funny. I could disect it. I've frozen frogs, spiders, a bird, and other little insects. But never a squirrel. Thanks for the idea.
I think you are all insaine ~Patriot Kristine
what is a hfaskyrcjycfio?
That makes me feel as if i am not alone. FOr I TOO was in an almost accident wiht a skwerl. It hopped out of the tree and just missed my head!!!! I try to yell and scare them off...but it just makes their diabolical little brains think more diabolicaly.
this website iz shite and should b destroyed i also think it is offesnsive 2 young people due 2 its scary images plus i think dat crulety 2 rodents iz wrong and should b stopped rite away
Ha Ha frozen squirrel...shoot them like skeet with a 12 gauge and theyll' shatter.
Squirrels used to be one of my favorite animals. Now, I know that their evil little bucked teeth are the vision of true EVILLL. now that i know the truth i don't think i want to live i will die because i am a ... squirrel and i will eat the world ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Well now.....somebody doesn't like squirrels. I really like chicken wrapped in bacon over rice with gravy!! OK, time to go eat homemade grilled hamburgers

I find this very insulting due to the fact that squairl were the one to discover the world and my house and money and food and my mom and dad okey i' m done good by world aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

But I am NOT finito. I am just getting started. I used to like woodland creatures and eat them with mid-afternoon tea. Hawaiian Punch is okay, but Gatorade is too watered down. It is water with...by the way, I can speak to geese. I found this out at the Tidal Pool in front of the Jefferson Memorial. Don't lie to Jesus because Jesus is God's son and God is Love. We were created in the image of God meaning our spirit and personality. So, knowing this information, we can guess that God is not only the extreme of cool, but also the extreme of nerdiness. God is good and God is love and loving. Don't take the nerdiness the wrong way, I was just making a point.

Hey! Guess what! This is a different person! Every paragraph is a different person! Except for the fact that there are only 3 of us. Lord of the Rings is the best! Do chickens have large talons?? You should make a website about how chickens are evil too, like our squirrely friends.

somtimes i look out outside and think about what happen to my life i used to be a happy little bird but now i am a the president of the united states of the world. hobbits rock and the 3rd harry potter moive is not my favorit it is evil
I think that skwerlsicles should come in three flavors , gray, black and red... Have you ever noticed that city skwerls taste different than country skwerls ???
*a squirrel ate my soul once* ;)
FUNNY!! BUT VERY CUTE VERY CUTE!!!!
i think that this page is absolutely hilaious and in my opinion SKWIRLS RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -jen
ok your kinda mad
Perhaps, they are trying to tell us something.
It's time people woke up to the dangers of frozen squirrels. Thanks for the wake up call.
Skwerls are evil little demons that feed on the brains of new born childern.....the cuteness and fluufyness is just a cover up for the evilness they are +Looks around with shifty eyes+ there comeing they know i know +Runs+
skwerls suck (frozen or not)! i hope they all rot in skwerl hell!!! they contribute nothing to life and the world around them.
in Ireland we eat frozen squirrels with potatoes
I found out that frozen squirrels are handy when you have a party but you need ice for your cooler!
I beleive that skwerls are not meant to go through ur refridgerator... love sarah
Well, personally I would like to know the connection between marijuana and frozen squirrels. There is obviously some link that I am missing.
i wont eat squirrel, but friends do, from what ive heard only the legs are worth eating, not much meat anywhere else, hit 2 squirrels with my 67 mustang, 1 with the front wheel, made a mess, squirrel guts and fur all over the fender, and stuck in the tread, the other had run into the back wheel, crushed its head, no mess, hit a squirrels tail with my 96 camaro, he was ok but eventually lost 2 or 3 inches of tail. and hit another going around a turn, noticeable bump, it wobbled away before i could finish it off. i'm sure it died soon after.

other animals...
have hit a few birds, got 2 at once with the camaro, found 1 splat mark on the front tire and 2 on the rear, a dove in the grill of the mustang, was picking out feathers for years. toads arent too bad, there probably isnt an inch of tread on my mustangs tires that hadnt crushed a toad, the rain must have cleaned most off, thought they were dead leaves until we had stopped and saw what they really were. all my cars have had kills, hit a pidgeon in a dark parking lot with the 57 chevy while turning around to talk with a friend, after turning i just happened to see 1 wing flapping so i finished it off. ran over a few black snakes, look like tar lines until you hit them. saw a turtle in the road, nowhere to stop to get it, so i slowed and aimed so i could reach out the door and grab it, i knew it either moved or my aim was off when i heard the loud crunch, 3 pidgeons with 3 cars, 1 chipmunk, 1,000's of toads, mouse, snakes, squirrels, dove, turtle, sparrows, 5 lined skinks, misc unknowns??? a few close encounters with deer, most animals can make a mess, and yet some people still try to hit them.
sereously, squirrel is one of my favorite foods. my mom fixes them with dumplings and they are one of the delecacies of wildlife. oh yeah, this reminds me of a story, and it is completely true i swear

i was about 7, and i had just killed my first squirrel. well, the preacher's wife came over, they are a bit blue-blooded. she was sitting in the living room, and i got the squirrel out of the freezer. i went up to her, held the squirrel up, and said,"hi, _ _ _ _ _, how are you?" in a squirrelly voice. I thought she was going to have a heart attack.

That just goes to show you: frozen squirrels are only good for evil, and a good laugh.

by: Will Troutman
I have another theory about lesson #3. Perhaps the frozen skwerl was ejected from a commerical airplane's bathroom?
I will give up my cold dead squirrels when they pry them from my cold dead fingers!
awwww it's soooooooooooooooo cool/cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yesterday i was playing frozen squirrel base ball i found one that froze to death out side me and my freinds had so much fun every1 should play frozen squirrel baseball!!
They keep on scratching. They're frozen, but the eyes, the eyes. Accusing. I can hear them. I must cleanse this place...
you people are sick demented f__kers to suggest such a thingi hope you die!
WOW AND I taught I had Inner Demons.Wow You beet me big time good for you. Lol I am glad to see I am not the only Sick Beep In the world. lol Good work. I like it.
you must freeze skwerls. if you dont then they could come back to life and kill you and your whole family. trust me, ive heard the tails.
Damned squirrels... Such evil bushiness... Personally I believe the only good skwerl's a dead one - a dead FROZEN one. If it's not frozen, there's no point in having it is there? You might as well just throw it down a chasm to join the rest of it's deceased horde in the land of eternal pain and suffering. SKWERLS MUST DIIIIEEEEE!
Hillarious
squirrels are the bomb even if they scare me aaaaghhhh!! and i will never eat a squirrel again i was afraid that it was gonna eat me before i could eat it
ah, the mystery of the frozen squirrel... *maniacal laughter* oops... sorry, Jade.
your all f__kin crazy
I think that it would be wierd too eat squirrels!!!! My friend Sarah thinks that squirels are evil!!!!
hahahahaha o man this is great but i must say you are disturbed
I rember so vividly the day my whole life changed. My youngest son bobby kjean had gone to war aginst the squirrels. Unlike other soldiers bobby stood up for his beliefs people thought he was crazy, for thinking squirrels had a diabolical plan to take over earth and use us as a mere figment of entertainment. Bobby went to war. Thrre weeks later i got a phone call it was the general he told me......... he told me that bobby had bneen killed that day durfing battle, the squirrels ythey........ they.............. ate his brains out!! i will never forget that day im gunna kill all the squirrels come near my family again i wioll eat your brains out just like you did to my son!!!!!!!
Ok..I agree with ya'll that skwerls are evil(most of them)but you all are messed up freezing the lil things!!!!!
your website is so funny....LOL
Mmmmm skwerl on a stick
Does it come on a stick or between waffles?
WHAT DO THE RED NECKS DO WITH ALL THAT FUR BETWEEN THEIR TEETH?
I think squirrels are drop-dead sexy. I also like to blow out their vitals with high caliber weapons
funnily enough i beat people with frozen squirrels as well but beforehand i like to smother them in ketchup!mmmm squirrels..... sorry forgive me for clearly stating my desire in life!
you must gut and skin your squirrels first. do this in the woods after you shoot them. just cut around the neck, step on the tail and pull. after you do a fue you get real good at it.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH u r f__king out of ur minds AAAAAHHHHHHHH SICK B____RDS!!!!
I think squirrels should ALL be frozen! I LOVE squirrel pops!
that is not a freezer it is the refrigorator get it skrate
I personally have one of those big Jumbo-Size F_Off Freezers buried in my backyard under the doghouse. Using a clever series of counterweights, I simply lift up the dog house [much like they did on "Hogan's Heroes"]and there be the freezer. Inside are more frozen skwerls then you can shake a stick at [I and others have tried with sticks of all sizes, it can't be done]. If the authorities [a.k.a "The Man"] ever came onto my property for my frozen skwerls, I would exercise my consituitional right to bear arms and fire them indescriminitly. End O' F_ing Storey
woodlin creatures will rule the worled some day. WE COME IN PEACE.
i love swireles even if ther frozen.
Someday squirrels WILL take over the world, and then they won't call us crazy, because we WARNED them!!!
Skwerls make good weapons, who needs asnowball when u have a horde of frozen swerls at your disposal?
THEM DAMN SQUIRRELS NEED TO STAY OUT OF MY FRIDGE.
Spelling squirrel wrong on purpose isn't funny, it's stupid. And the same goes for white trash/hillbilly jokes, dumba__.
that was just sutpid to put thoz poor skwerls in da freeza
skawirrels rock! what's wrong with you people?! i mean, some skawirrels may become slightly misguided in their choices (heehee) but that doesn't mean all of them are evil! so just don't freeze skawirrels unless you are preserving a beloved pet who met a tragic ending.
i love squirrels and all but that is the funniest thing that i have ever seen in my whole freakin life!!
This is sick and wrong I love squirrels they rock and freezeing them i the worst thing you could ever do!!!!! The squirrel shall hunt down all who freeze their comrades!!!!
we have had another bad encounter with a frozen squirrel... or so we thought. there was a squirrel on the edge of the sidewalk, so my friend MG, kicked it.... all of a sudden, the damn thing starts chasing us... and we thought it was dead and frozen in the snow... i guess they are good at playing dead!
i thind that this is is an interesting story. there is a boy in my class who is obsessed with squirrels and i can't wait to show him this site!
One of my favorite recipes is squirrel paté on wheat crackers, with a side of Grey Poupon.
I love squirrels!!! They are oh so sexy. Especially when day twitch. I think yall are nasty dont eat apreciate there feet!!! They are so hot one day squirels will rule dis WORLD!!! HEHEHE No one should ever harm a sexy creature like squirrels
The best part of the hunt is chasing the squirrel before you catch it!
this stuff was tooo tooo tooo funny i peed my pants its not fair to have a limit to how many skwerils you can put in your freezer unless you are going to beat the crap out of one squirrel supremacy!!!
I think stuffed skwerls are better than frozen and my buddy Paul stuff's them the best!!!!
judging from the contents of this article, you are, as you warned against, on crack or some other substance. please get help soon
"do not thaw, then re-freeze"
i am going to put a squirrel in the freezer for my cousin
ive gotten up to 76. i now regret all the poor poor squirrels whos lives ive ruined. 76!!! thats a record!!!
I prefer my rodents from hell in a soup. scary squirrel soup! does anyone on the planet actually know how to spell squirel? argh! where did i put that dictionary...
Firiken Chicken no its a squrrel
Mein got... you're a bunch of nutters...!
I think everyone likes a little squirl now and them
HOW'D YOU KNOW MY SKWERL FEELINGS?
This is the worst website ever i am looking for info on squirrels native to Maryland.
I THINK TAT SQUIREL ON A STICK WOULD BE REALY DELICIOUS!!!
this is so awesome.... very random.... i dontthink id eat a sqwerl ... i luv them waayyyy to much... it saddens meh to see a sqwerlball helplessly frozen 4 ur content.
Be careful comrades! The squirrels may resurrect if thawed out. Remember to cut the heads off, or better still blow em up.
Who among us HASN'T, at one time or another, taken their favorite cocktail and made it ALL THAT MUCH BETTER by adding a few innocent cubes of Chitter to the mix? I myself have once or twice (for medicinal reasons) gone down that road of making sure I had an adequate supply of nutzys in deep freeze to last me thru the winter for that occasional cold, lonely night when I need to anesthetize myself for the weekend-to the inhumanity that surrounds me in every direction. If a few skwels are STUPID enough to eat out of my hand.... who am I to judge? They know the risks.....
This is totally awesome.
I love eating squirrels, they taste really nice especially if you eat them whilst there alive ! YUM YUM!
just thaw the squirrel out so it can kill you all
Frozen skwerls are good on a stick!
coooooooooooooooooooooooollll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buy the squirrels some fur coats.. then we'll all be happy.
how many licks does it take to get to the chittery centre of a frozen skwerl?
I want a frozen squirrel!! It'll be 4) A good present for my siblings!
You need to chill out... get it? huh? get it?
Why don't you peaple use Foamy as frozen sqirrel?
These people are IDIOTS!!!!! Oh My God who do they think they are freezing small rodents??? I think they should go to hell!!!!
ha ha the squirrels are taking over the world!! Who would have guessed!!
this was a stupid waste of my time
squirrels will rock this world.
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE READ IN ALONG TIME. YOU'D THINK FROZEN SQUIRRELS WOULD BE ALMOST AS GOOD AS DEAD ONE'S.
leftover sqwerl sandwiches anyone?

 

MORE SPECIAL REPORTS
A HABITAT FOR SKWERLHUGGERY
ARE DEAD SQUIRRELS FUN
SQUIRREL WORLD DOMINATION EXPOSED


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top photo courtesy of Patriot John White