Patriots, this is our third in a series of exposés about the clandestine nutzy organization, the Ancient and Honorable Order of Squirrels (AHOS).
For those who don't know, AHOS formed during the mid-20th century. It's mission, to turn forest-goers to the skwerlside. It's method, by seizing control of fire lookout stations in the United States and distibuting memebership cards to anyone who visited a fire lookout.
The membership cards' front side acknowledged the recipient's visit to a particular lookout. Innocent enough. But the backside swore the victim to do the bushytail horde's bidding. An unknown number of hikers, children, picnicers, and tourists were given the cards.
Some question why skwerls would target fire lookout towers when campgounds and Forest Service visitor facilities appear to be better suited for promoting squirrel world domination. In response, more than one expert observed that the towers look a bit like giant bird feeders, and bird feeders are the ever-popular target of skwerls world-wide.
In any event, some believed that AHOS died out during the latter half of the 20th century. This is untrue. In fact, our research suggests that AHOS's tentacles of skwerlien treachery are spreading.
Most recently, we received the following misguided inquirey:
Hi,
I found your images of squirrel cards at: http://www.scarysquirrel.org/special/dishonor/
I am a volunteer lookout at the Deadman Lookout Tower in northern Colorado (a few hours north of the Devil's Head lookout tower, featured on one of the squirrel cards).
I need hi-res images (300dpi or better) of actual squirrel cards, in the hopes of producing more for us to give away to folks who climb our fire tower:
Do you actually have the original squirrel cards in your possession? Could you scan them at hi-res for me, or else could I borrow the cards to scan?
Thanks for any help you can provide!
Regards,
*********, volunteer fire lookout
Deadman Fire Lookout Tower
Canyon Lakes Ranger District
Roosevelt National Forest
USDA-FS
Patriots, we were astounded that a minion of squirrel world domination would ask for our help. However, we saw an opportunity to infiltrate AHOS. We wrote back offering some cursory information and our reward was a link to the lookout's personal photos of the Deadman Fire Lookout Tower:
Most of the photos were inconsequential, showing what appeared to be family members. Needless to say, we won't publish those.
But an interior shot of the tower's cabin revealed much more than we bargained for: the prominent display of nutzy propaganda...
Needless to say, we wrote back asking why the Forest Service is spreading the false promises of squirrel world domination. We received no response.
Why no response? Perhaps the lookout simply did not care to answer. Or maybe there was a sudden realization that scary squirrel world's mission is to destroy squirrel world domiantion; not promote it.
Or in a worst case scenario, perhaps the lookout's chitterbox overlords found out that their cover was about to be blown and they... well, you get the picture - and it ain't pretty.
Patriots, we'd like to believe that our investigation into the Deadman plot ended the bushytail horde's attempt to sieze the tower. Unfortunately, we have no definitive proof. However, we will continue to monitor the situation and we welcome field reports from tower visitors or personnel...
Vintage RCA TV commercial featuring fire tower
click screenshot to view - in windows media
RELATED SITES TOPICS
A (DIS)HONORABLE ORDER
LOOKOUT BELOW
IN THE SHADOW OF THE CITADEL
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