Patriots, when we published our first feature on The Ancient and (Dis)Honorable Order of Squirrels, we received letters from around the country expressing concern about the existence of this skwerlien cult. Sentiment ranged from fear to outrage that such hoodooism could still exist in the 21st century.

For those who don't know, the Ancient and (Dis)Honorable Order of Squirrels (the Order) began when visitors to our state and national forests trekked to fire lookouts. Some of these hikes were quite arduous and those who completed the journey wanted a momento to remind them of their adventure.

Seeing an opportunity to spread the false promises of squirrel world domination, the bushytail horde and pathetically traitorous skwerlhuggers created the Order to turn the ignorant and unwary to the skwerl-side. They did this by distributing membership cards to anyone who visited lookouts controlled by the drooling skwerlballs.

Fortunately, the Order fell out of favor sometime in the last century. Unfortunately, a few lookouts still distribute the card and some indicators suggest a revival is in progress.

The concerns expressed by our readers are typified by the letter we received from Patriot Patrick, published here in part...

...so I wonder if it's even safe to go to the forest anymore what with hooligan squirrels everywhere and no safety to be found, not even in a Forest Service fire lookout...?

But other Patriots saw an opportunity to turn the plot against the bushytail horde. Consider Patriot Lynne's suggestion...

This (the Order) isn't something you should fear. You can get everone to sign up for it and infiltrate the tree rats and then we'll see how tough they really are!!!!

We considered both the concern and the suggestion when we determined to visit a fire lookout ourselves. Our mission: to ascertain whether the Order is once again recruiting members and whether the forest is safe and secure from "hooligan squirrels".

We chose the Buck Rock Fire Lookout in Sequoia National Forest, California. The Lookout is an easy 2 hour drive from one of the most polluted places on earth, Fresno, California.

It should be noted that a dirt road goes most of the way to the lookout with the exception of a short hike to the lookout itself. If the road is dry, your average sedan can work around the holes and rocks. Otherwise, a hi-clearance vehicle is recommended for the last mile or two.

SCENES FROM THE WASTELAND...

Buck Rock Fire Lookout - photos ssw - click for large versions

What we found at Buck Rock Fire Lookout will alternately shock and encourage you. For example, our team was immediately put on guard by an ominous warning sign...

On the Buck Rock trail: an inauspicious admonition

And beyond that sign the horror began: the scurrying and gamboling about, the gnashing of sharp teeth in slavering maws, the chittering from dark places, the flicking of bushytails... all in the shadow of the citadel...

L-R: unknown skwerl; rock squirrel; golden-mantled ground skwerl;
chippy; skwerlfoot sighting - click for large versions

But at the base of Buck Rock, the chittering stopped. The citadel itself was safe. So, we climbed the stairs to the lookout where we were greeted by a volunteer sentinel. We asked for a "squirrel card".

The sentinel knew about the Order but stated that the skwerl cards were done away with years ago. It was further revealed that the Order is only active in some of the mid-West states, maybe Minnesota and no where else.

Thus, it's clear that the forest remains a dark and dangerous place. However, assuming the sentinel wasn't a covert bushytail operative, we've cleared at least one fire lookout of the shame of squirrel world domination (click sentinel for comment).

Of course, our task is hardly complete. There are hundreds of lookouts around the country (460 as of 11-03-2003). We can't visit every one before we find something better to do. So, we're asking for your help. If you have the opportunity to visit a fire lookout, or if you just happen upon one, send us your report that we may alert or reassure the general population regarding the spread of the Ancient and (Dis)Honorable Order of Squirrels.