Patriots, TV preacher Pat Robertson once cursed Florida for allowing Mickey Mouse lovin' homosexuals to have a private party at Disney World in Orlando.

But Preacher Pat had it wrong, it's not homos that Florida should fear, it's the bushytailed hell rats...

Squirrel Attacks Shoppers
Monday, May 14, 2007 11:20:08 PM

It was a crazy scene in Port Saint John, Brevard County, Florida after a squirrel went on the attack.

Folks at a Port St. John pharmacy say the squirrel was on a woman's leg and would not let go.

It stayed on her as she walked into the store and man inside tried to swat it off her. That is when the squirrel attacked him.

Then another woman tried to help but was attacked so severely by the animal that she had to go to the hospital.

Carroll Williams witnessed the attack, she said, "It was on her leg. Bit her leg. It was on her back, scratched her back. Scratched her on one of her arms. I was scarred, glad it didn't jump on me. I've never seen one act like that before."

Store employees were able to corral the squirrel into a basket and built a barricade out of soda boxes until animal control officers were able to take it away.

Animal control officials at the scene say they are not sure why the squirrel attacked.

Source: Central Florida News

Click screenshot to view news clip; click attack skwerl's explanation

Patriots, it's hardly a surprise that the animal control officials at the scene claimed that they didn't know why the skwerl attacked.

But could it be that their ignorance was feigned? After all, aren't they supposed to be experts in animal control and behavior? Might it not be that these "officials" are really minions of squirrel world domination who spirited the slavering nutzy bravo away before it could be interrogated?

And what secret(s) are they keeping in the cage they hauled off to who knows where? Well, we say it's no coincidence that the Kennedy Space Center is just a few short minutes away...

ATTENTION SKWERLHUGGERS: Were you appalled by this beastly attack? Are you prepared to reject skwerlhuggery and the false promises of squirrel world domination but can't quite break away from your addiction? May we suggest joining Skwerlhuggers Anonymous - the easy 3-step program that will free you from the shackles of skwerlien oppression...

JOIN SKWERLHUGGERS ANONYMOUS