Patriots, with winter here, many of you in the northern hemisphere are breathing a sigh of relief. Why? Because skwerls are traditionally less active during the winter months. Attacks decrease; sabotage is generally confined to unprotected attics and power transformers; wild nutzys are rarely glimpsed; and urban chitterboxes grow weak and compliant in the face of diminished food supplies.

However, the bushytail horde is always looking for ways to extend its power and reach. This includes the goal of menacing mankind on a consistent, year-round basis until squirrel world domination comes to pass. Thus, the following news brief will come as no surprise, and it's implication should be obvious...

Marmot vs. Machine
Sequoia park's rodents have a taste for car parts.
By Tim Sheehan - The Fresno Bee

MINERAL KING -- Most visitors to the high-country wilderness of Sequoia National Park are sophisticated campers, well aware of the dangers of bears and the need to lock food away to keep bears from raiding their provisions and breaking into their cars.

But in the Mineral King area of the park, a much smaller critter is creating a concern among residents and visitors and prompting warnings from park rangers.

The varmints are marmots. Roaming the upper reaches of the winding Mineral King Road, the furry, reddish-gray rodents are about the size of a house cat. They look rather like bulked-up guinea pigs, with a fuzzy tail tacked on (click marmot for comment).

Hikers think they're cute -- unless their cars have fallen victim to the marmot's unusual tastes.

Over the years, the yellow-bellied marmots of Mineral King have learned to climb into the engine compartments of cars, vans and sport utility vehicles, where they chomp and chew on radiator hoses, brake lines and wiring, sometimes wreaking hundreds or thousands of dollars in damage to vehicles.

"It's not the marmots that are the problem," said Jody Rowell, a National Park Service naturalist who leads interpretive programs at the Mineral King Ranger Station. "We're encroaching on their territory. ... It's a unique example of people and wildlife having to adapt to one another."

"They're the equivalent of bears in other national parks," she added.

Rowell said rangers aren't sure exactly why the marmots go after the car parts. They believe the rodents like the sweet taste of antifreeze/coolant (emphasis added), which is generally poisonous to animals.

"But we jokingly call these the Mineral King supermarmots," she added, "because they don't seem to be affected by the antifreeze. ... It doesn't hurt them."

"Doesn't hurt them... the equivalent of bears... supermarmots..." Patriots, do we even need to say where this is going?

Clearly, the drooling skwerlballs are experimenting with common antifreeze as a way to protect them from winter's cold edge while at the same time sabotaging countless vehicles and who knows what else leaving innocent victims to the mercy of the elements (click innocent victim for comment).

Not unexpectedly, the Forest Service refuses to acknowledge that this development is a serious threat. According to National Park Service naturalist, Jody Rowell, marmots aren't a problem.

Perhaps, if you're a minion of squirrel world domination. Or maybe Ms. Rowell will be singing a different tune when she finds herself stranded in a frozen wilderness while marmots, skwerls, and chipmunks hopped up on antifreeze chase her down (click pic to hear nutzy comment).

Patriots, this latest nutzy plot must not go unanswered. If our government won't recognize and address the problem, then it is up to every Patriot to do the right thing in our righteous struggle against the false promises of squirrel world domination....

READER COMMENTS...

a new squirrel project. They have biologicaly changed the marrmots brains and muscles to give them the ability to chew threw and gather antifreeze this trapes campers and the squirrels then brainwash the campers to become slaves and use the antifreeze to prevent squirrel freezeing in the winter.

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I think that people should watch where they are going!

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DUDE that is flippin crazy and stuff rock on!

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Skwels dominate us, they can cause car crashes and give u rabies so come on really? They can dominate. They just choose not to. They wait and wait for something good to happen then they take advantage of it and BAM kill the person with rabies or get them into a car crash. So in other words, skwerls have HUGE plots for domination, but they havent put it out yet. THEY WILL, oh yes, THEY WILL.

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Squirrels are becoming a real problem. The other day, one ran across the interstate and cause a 6 car pileup. The culprit excaped just before the exterminator arrived. We must stop these nuiscances! Join the Anti-Squirrel Force today!!!

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Squirrels are geniouses. They invented the secret recipe for peanut butter. Then agents from the CIA managed to sneak into the squirrels snack factory and steal the secret recipe. Now everbody can enjoy it!

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Burn in HELL!! Squirrels on the nicest cutest and fluffiest animals! I LOVE SQUIRRELS!! There also not demons and didn't come from hell the only thing that came from hell is you! If you ever touch another squirrel kill another squirrle or hurt another squirrel I'm calling the animal cops you see on Animal Planet and reporting you MURDERS!!

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squirrels suck

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As insane as the innocent victim seems to be, nothing would surprise me about the squirrels. They have used such deviousness before, why not now? Now is when they must learn to stay alert if squirrel bereft armageddon is to pass. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

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this is chaos! when will our human ways end!?..... i.. dunno! but i am shocked pure shocked! ..................what is this crap all abot i didnt read it i dunno what the heck is going on in the squirell world i dont know in saint fiuADSFLb:OSUFJDGV'S' name is going on tell me or i will run out of thoughts and self distruct

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What do "Patriot" have to do with anything? Some of us hate America you know!

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We need help anti-freeze addiction cost my brotter his life. He was crawled up in one of dem 4 weeled smashers when one of you 2 leggers turned it on. My brotter was torn to peaces

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Squirrel's f__king suck! And if you like them for no apparent reason, you're a f__king special educated Einstein on crack. Didnt you ever see the show "Rescue Rangers?" I did when i was little. All they did was phucking steal cheese and destroy people's property. PLUS! i had a bad encounter with them not to long ago. One ran up behind me starting knawing on my f__king brand new skating shoes, shoe strings. There are friggen cabillions of em.

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CARS DIE YOU BETTER,OR ELSE

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i think squirrels are cute and are wrongly acused (i was forced to say this by the evil squirrel ruler SAVE ME! DEMITRIA DISSEN

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Do you want to know why our government won't address this awesome and utterly dangerous skwerl threat??? The reason is that they have already invaded our governemtal processes, they have taken control of the mass media to brainwash the citizenry into beleaving that skwerls are harmless and not to be feared!!! (freaky huh?)

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.......disturbing..........

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die, evil car dismantlers

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I've trained my 3 gerbils to attack squirrels!! So I'm safe even if its not winter! oh and people that are obssesed with the skwerls GO TO H@LL!!

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I think all types of squirrels are beautiful and kind. Squirrels are the future.they are the most beautiful being on the freaking earth, if you say anything else bad about squirrels I will throw nuclear acorn at you little bootie holes. If I hear anymore crap from your little asprins, I will personally maul you with my little friends!

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Wut wuld be skarier then some of dem killer wudchuks nawing yer car? If the varmits were on lil bitty skis chasin' you down! Now that wud skare me. Imagin buncha chuks wid tiny skis after ya! Betta ta be on gard and watch fo the crazi bastas.

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YOu %%%%%%% SUCK! You make up all this **** and it makes no @$%#&*% sense. Thanks for listening :)

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i have a friend who worked at a weather station near nederland co. he said the devils were constantly eating up his wires on his equipment. somthing needs to be done i say send them all to iraq, let them find the weapons of mass destruction!

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i think that they should close that area of the park!.. if the skewrls r smart enough too fight back y should we let them keep on until they find another one of our weeknesses...

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this rox

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