Patriots, one of the first questions we asked when scary squirrel world hit the web in 1997 was, "Are skwerls telepathic?"
Early research indicated that skwerls could silently command pathetic skwerlhuggers and ignorant citizens to do their bidding. Our investigators concluded that the bushytail horde possessed telephatic powers and that conclusion entered mainstream scientific thought until...
The squirrel's secret: rodents use ultrasonic warning calls
By Steve Connor, Science Editor - UK Independent
Squirrels have been recorded using high-pitched ultrasonic "whispers" that are inaudible to the human ear but warn each other of danger.
It is the first time that any animal has been found to use ultrasound for an alarm call although high-frequency sounds well beyond the range of human hearing are widely used by bats.
The discovery that squirrels communicate using ultrasound was made by James Hare, professor of zoology at the University of Manitoba in Canada, and his student David Wilson.
They were studying the audible alarm calls of the Richardson's ground squirrel, a social animal that lives in burrows of closely related females and their offspring. This species of squirrel - sometimes called a gopher - lives on the prairies of North America and has developed a sophisticated communication system to warn of approaching predators.
Professor Hare noticed a female opening its mouth as if in alarm and emitting faint sounds of rushing air, an apparently noiseless whisper which nevertheless triggered a vigilant posture in her nearby relatives.
"I thought initially that she had lost her voice. Then I noticed other squirrels doing the same so I decided to use a bat detector which can record ultrasound," Professor Hare said.
"Sure enough, we found that the whisper call was actually full of ultrasonic frequencies and this was directed at other squirrels nearby," he said.
This remarkable study suggests that slavering skwerlballs are not telepathic, but they do possess an ultrasonic language, inaudible to the human ear.
Of special interest is Professor Hare's observation that the nutzys' ultrasonic messages are directional... suggesting that they can broadcast their deviant thoughts of squirrel world domination via ultrasound with pinpoint accuracy.
Patriots, Dr. Hare's discovery explains much. How many times have you witnessed this: a maniacal skwerlball gambols up to a citizen enjoying lunch in a park. The skwerl stands and silently stares at its victim who offers the bushytail part or all of his/her lunch (click photo for comment).
How did the skwerl do it? Clearly by emitting an ultrasonic command that turned an innocent citizen into a brainwashed skwerlhugger.
Other examples abound, including the rather odd phenomena where otherwise sane individuals open their homes to the bushytail horde. Again, we presumed in the past that this strange behavior was initiated by telepathic control. So we decided to put Professor Hare's findings to the test. We recruited a common citizen with no known connections to skwerlhuggery, placed them in a house filled with bags of peanuts and other delicious nuts, told them that they were participating in a new reality TV show, set up our ultrasonic detection device, and waited.
Sure enough, a local nutzy approached the house, stood upright and began broadcasting his ultrasonic thoughts through a glass door and directly at the common citizen. Amazingly, the actual ultrasonic communication made no immediate sense. We had to reverse the stream to discover its true meaning. Click on the links under the following photos for shocking audio proof of the skwerl's ultrasonic powers...
As you can see in the photo sequence above, the bushytail broadcast its demand and its victim quickly complied. When we asked why they would give a drooling nut cruncher anything, their eyes glazed over and they said in a slow monotone: "Because skwerls are cute. I love skwerls. Don't you too, also?" Clearly, the nutzy turned the common citizen into a pathetic skwerlhugger within a matter of seconds.
We also wondered if the buhsytail horde's ultrasonic devil-talk would affect Our Pals in the animal world. So, we placed a pet cat in a window box in the same house as our original experiment. Again, a slavering skwerl approached; came close to the window; and began broadcasting...
Even beloved Pals threatened...?
|Ultrasound regular| |Ultrasound backwards| |Ultrasound backwards & slowed|
Subsequent observation revealed no immediate affect on the feline. However, we later learned that the kitty had run away from it's owner and had moved in with a wildlife rehabilitator who is a known promoter of squirel world domination.
Worse, the once fearsome cat was observed by one of our operatives caring for abandoned juvenile skwerls as if they were her own.
Patriots, this aberrant behavior can only be explained by what we previously thought was skwerlien telepathy, but we now know to be the ultrasonic commands of the bushytail horde.
Of course, the skwerls' ultrasonic dictations have no affect on ever-vigilant Patriots. However, there can be no doubt that the maniacal skwerlballs can sway the mind of any skwerlhugger it encounters. Worse, our experiment also suggests that common citizens, meaning those with no knowledge of the skwerlien threat to mankind are at great risk of succumbing to the false promises of squirrel world domination before they even know that they've been infected with the curse of skwerlhuggery.
But wait, there's more. Our investigators also point to an as yet unverified threat: there is a broad market for squirrel repelling products. Among the many entries in the market are those that claim to repulse rodents of all sorts using ultrasound.
Reviews of the various units indicate that they do not work outdoors but have some application in small contained areas such as the interiors of houses, garages and attics.
However, while in-home ultrasonic devices may be effective against small rodents such as mice, they do not work well on skwerls.
Thus, we leave you with a final, disturbing question: What if these ultrasonic deterrents are really remotely controlled devices by which the bushytail horde can and does broadcast the false promises of squirrel world domination into homes around globe (click device for skwerlien message)?
The evil abilities of our furry adversaries should not be under estimated. Use secret code at all times. God help us all. I'm out of ammo.
I LOVE SQUIRRELS! They are awesome.. they talk to me sometimes... I give them nuts.. one bit me once.. I hear them talking more often now..
I have a toy poodle named Bruce, and everytime i let him out to chase skwerls, they stand up for a moment braodcasting despirately, and then, as Bruce continues to charge them, they drop down to earth and run... Bruce has never actually caught a skwerl tho.
i am da squirrel expert n dis si 1 big disturbanc it wil chnage da history fo da world....!
u took clips from the simpsons and south park its awesome. skwerls do taste good but i like to shoot em too. i am also obsessed with em tehe
This is going to upset Bullwinkle very much.
its a squirrel.... get over it.. they posess no power they are not the way to spiritual enlightenment... just a fuzzy critter
i am a swerlhugger! i will alert th e SEAof this site and you will be crushed puny rebels you cannot win
Did you ever consider that the squirrels are being controlled by some stronger creature be it human or animal i dont think the squirrels could be that evil. untill you can prove me wrong i will continue to love and pitty the squirrels. Help the squirrels!
Replace Colin Powell with the squirrel!!
i like squrells, they are cute. i feed them and they sit on my lap and eat peanuts
I took care of this one squirrel and they have a mind of their own when you wanted to hold it when it wasn't tired it doug the crap out of me. Then when it was tired you can hold it like a little baby they are the cuties roadents alive.
Squirrels are nice sure i believe the talke to otheres of there kind but not humans! Squirrels are my favorite animal but i haven't heard them talk nor do i think that they should rule the world. what i think is that they should become our pets though they are standing strong right now eventually they will fall into the hands off humans to do our every wish but untill then i'm happy just leaving nuts out for the cute little creatures!
squirrel do talk to me but i respond back to them with a 12ga shotgun with .no6 shot.
Confirms my worst fears. Now where did I put that Scotch? *scratches head stupidly*
Well it seems that we are yet more homosapiens, that have been affected by squirelhuggery. Yes an abandoned eyes still closed, cutie, has taken over my family. He is older now, and the control is amazing.... I'm sure it's his mind control. Help..... clueless human
As I happen to be studying for my sqirrelologist liscense (a liscense that allows me to study skwerls) I noticed that they tend to glare at the skwerlhuggers who stare back with a dazed look on their face. One was actually drooling! I recorded the chittering and am currently trying to decipher the squirrel language.
Squirrels are cool! Why would you want to kill them?
squirrels are cute. i talk to them, they dont respond. so i attack them. hehehe i am queen of the squirrel people. bow down and kiss my fuzzy tail
You people are a bunch of freaks. Not the squirrels
here at kent state, the squirrels have managed to metamorphasize from gray to black... hence being camoflaged by night and able to elude humans.
I don't like squirrel, but I also don't hate them. I almost hit one while I driving the other day. The little devil ran between the wheels and dunked under the car. I could have swore he was laughing at me when I looked in the rear-view mirror.
i got attacked by a squirrel yesterday. is there a squirrel victim helpline? i'm afraid they are going to come back to finish the job. thank you so much for helping. you saved my life.
I once kissed a squirrel's head and I don't care who knows it. He let me do it when he had his nose in my bag of nuts looking for the biggest nut. Also I tickled a squirrel's belly and he squeaked at me .I didn't have hold of him - he could have run away. I stopped tickling him in case he did'nt like it and he stopped squeaking. then I started tickling him again and he started squeaking again. So he was definitely talking to me .
squirrels are like pudding, godd to the last spoonful
I thought I was alone in my theory of skwerl world domination. They're sneaky. Unless you have too much time & not enough brain cells you probably wouldn't notice. I am scared.
my cat ate a squirrel..then i ate my cat....and then i died and i got aten by dirt
um.. the secound noise with the cat sounded like homer simpson, you guys just made that up. this is cheap
I talk to squirrels. My neighbor shoots them. While im talking to them
dude u took clips from the simpsons and south park.. im really not that stupid
...YOU KRAZY... shut uP im not disturbegd 0.o
sQUIRRELS dO talk
Squirrels have other methods of talking . I know they do becuase i talk to them. They listen to me I will take over Canada using my little minion squirrels!
Some of these squirrels should go into counsiling. You know what I think that you should add that on you know with squirrels talking to a shrink and then beat the crap out of them
I love skwerels with a passion, I love this website and i will tell my frinds bout it.I have been in the woods deer hunting several times and i always hear squirrels causing a ruckis.sinceraly Ryan O'Reilly
um yea about u guys bein dumb and extremely inmature and stupid i love it
They are smart little critters. I would say we kill them all but theyre so cute. I talk to a squirrel in my yard named Pickloaf
We think that they taste very good !!!!! -hillbilly Joe and Nockabilly Bo !!
It's retatevly stupid
They communicate through the internet via flash movies. Has nobody seen Foamy the skwerl? He claims to be our lord and master! Might I tell you that he IS!!!!BWAHAHAHAHAHAAH
f**ken funny as hell
bloody good show old bean
Your spposed to be talking about squirrels not hamster bat things! signed, PIG FROG
u need mor info on squirrels because i'm doin a report and i can't find jack
I don't have time for this, I have a sudden urge to go put nuts and beer outside in the pine trees
squirrels are evil as hell
Please, whatever you do, don't share this information with John Ashcroft! I can only imagine the next cabinet meeting if you do...
we have been infected......
I knew it!
wierd, freaks me out
Who knew that squirrels do such things? I must contemplate this... Do you think the squirrels are in league with the sporks?
what is the squirrels doing in the cat bed
I think u r a bunch of 40 year old gay fags who have nothing better to do then photograph squirrels....U ROCK!!!! :D
i think that this is a very interesting topic... it needs to be tooken into consideration by professionals
beat em at their own game. capture and raise infant squirrels and teach them to call other squirrels into the area. then invite your bellow patriots over for a shoot-n-grill.
i hate it IT SUX BALLZ
i think that skwerls are a gift from above an anyone who insults them is a idiot my friend loves trees he hugs them alot my other friend loves llamas and alpacas i wish you would make the skwerls , llamas, alpacas, and trees come together as one thanks alot sincerely amy
this website is funny as heck... i can't stop laughing! thanks!
i expetially love the one with the cat and the squirrel looking at each other i would marry a squirrel if i could
what did squirrls ever do to you
squrills are normall animals
TRAITOR KITTY RAISES SKWERLS
Richardson's ground squirrel - Patriot Curtis; park victim - unknown;
home invader and kitty-skwerl - Patriot Casey; mom cat - CNN