Patriots, every year super-smart scientists spend thousands of hours and millions of dollars delving into the mysteries of science.

Some of this work takes place at colleges and universities; some in private laboratories; and some in government facilities.

Much of what is discovered has nothing to do with anything, like alternative energy and stem cell research (which everyone knows are Commie plots to turn us all into Segway-riding atheists).

But occasionally, science stumbles upon a really important discovery; one that helps us in our righteous struggle against squirrel world domination. Thus, we present our archived reviews of science in action: those that directly affect and/or expose the bushytail horde for the drooling despots they are...

Dress For Success: Skwerls as masters of disguise? Our conclusion will shock you.

Chew On This: Food affects a skwerl's vigilance. News we can use to defeat the slavering skwerlballs...

A Soar Subject: The scientific community is especially remiss in it's understanding of the bushytail horde's evolutionary and historical threat...

Skwerlpocalypse Now: Do skwerls have ESP? Maybe not, but they seem to know something we don't...

A Sik-Sik Story: Science teaches us that skwerls may be good for something. We'll let you judge for yourself...

Seeing Red: Faced with an angry rattlesnake, you or I might freeze with fear. But California ground squirrels take the opposite approach: they heat their tails up to warn the snake...

Silence of the Skwerls: Early research indicated that skwerls could silently command pathetic skwerlhuggers and ignorant citizens to do their bidding...

The Bad Brains: While conducting a study of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD) in 1997, a University of Kentucky research team observed an affected patient who had a history of eating squirrel brains...

They Walk Amongst Us: Our science editor, Cletus gives his opinion on evolution and the skwerlien menace...

They're Getting Sleepy: Jane Waterman is a researcher studying squirrels, through a National Science Foundation grant. The biologist travels to Africa as part of a five-year project to observe the sex lives of ground squirrels...

Let It Snow: Arctic ground squirrels are one the coolest critters around -- literally. That's because during their hibernation in arctic climates, they cool their body to below freezing and still survive...

When Chitter Turns to Chat: Why do we have the gift of gab but humankind's greatest threat does not? New research led by Svante Paabo at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, reveals that two critical mutations appeared roughly 200,000 years ago...

Notice to Vacate: Even pristine forests can contribute to air pollution. In fact, researchers now say that northern pine forests exude a family of nitrogen oxides...

Some Like It Hot: Researchers say they've found strong evidence, for the first time, that an animal has changed its genetic makeup in response to climate change...

The Switch is On: Every month, thousands of homes suffer power outages thanks th bushytail sabotage. Is your town next?

It's ZooIlogical: Do zoos play a role in the bushytail horde's quest for squirrel world domination?