TOON THE SPIRITUAL SQUIRREL

"Toon is loved so much. ...I can smell that sweet, woodsy scent about him. I can touch and feel his soft, warm fur and I can hear him doing that "squirrel love grunt" in my ear. When I am away from home, I carry Toon with me in my heart. No matter where I am when I think of him, my mind and heart immediately give me a picture of him freely jumping through the tree canopy back home. I always carry him with me in my heart and I know that he is waiting for me back home. I miss him so much if I don't see him, or talk to him, for just one day!" - Mr. Ritchie, TSS cult leader

Patriots, the belief in God and a spiritual hereafter is a personal matter that's been preempted by religious conglomerates and zealots. We don't care much for corporate ecclesiasticism or extremism, especially when it's a thinly disguised front promoting theological skwerlhuggery.

We've reported on a number of these heresies: the Cult of the White Squirrel, the EvilEvil Squirrel Cult, the Cult of Alby, and more (see our Squirrels in Heaven page). But these pale in comparison to Chatter Valley's Toon the Spiritual Squirrel (pictured above).

Why? According to cult leader, "Mr. Ritchie," Toon is a living skwerlball "who found Jesus and became Toon, Spiritual Squirrel" (click Toon's pics for hideous chitters). Right.

It's unclear whether the living Toon transmorgified into a two dimensional cartoon character, but one thing's certain: Toon knows way more about God than most skwerls. Thus, the threat of squirrel world domination has now infiltrated the fundamentalist Christian movement.

And what does Toon want...?

"Even to this day, Toon expects to be first in line when pecans are being given out. If not, he will climb up on my shoulder and do that sweet, squirrel grunting noise in my ear to coax a pecan from me. Does it work? Of Course it works!!!" - Mr. Ritchie

Clearly, this Toon is no saint. For is it not written that the first shall be last? And, is it also not written that "there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts" (II Peter 3:3)? Like, the sinful hunger for pecans and the lust for squirrel world domination!?!

But Patriots, we here at scary squirrel world are fair and open minded. Perhaps a nut cruncher can turn to Jesus. But if Toon can, certainly other skwerls are spirtually aware. So we interviewed a few drooling nutkins regarding their religious beliefs. Click on the images below for their comments:

There you have it. The aboreal tree terrors have only a passing knowledge and little interest in theology. Thus, we can only conclude that Toon the Spiritual Squirrel is a religious mountebank whose only purpose is to lure the faithful to the skwerlside. We encourage all Patriots to visit the Chatter Valley page and express your disapproval of their insideous plot to promote squirrel world domination (see link below).

TUFTY THE TRAFFIC SAFETY SQUIRREL SINGS
WHAT IF GOD SMOKED CANNABIS

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