Patriots, it's truly painful to watch pathetic skwerlhuggers pandering to their skwerlien masters. These traitors to humanity shower their nutzy overlords with all manner of extravagant delights because they've succumbed to the false promises of squirrel world domination.

For example, skwerlhuggers preach that we'll live in blissful harmony with the bushytail horde when squirrel world domination comes to pass. Therefore, we must be nice to skwerls in preparation for that glorious day. And when they say "nice" they mean really, really nice.

So, we're not talking about giving some drooling nutzy an occasional peanut or even a whole slew of delicious nuts. That isn't sufficient to convince the maniacal skwerlballs that you are nice according to the blasphemy of Orthodox Skwerlhuggery.

"Nice" requires that pathetic skwerlhuggers engage in the most blatant form of skwerlnicery known: Bushytail Idolatry (click skwerlhuggers for comment).

This might be all well-and-good when it's limited to an unorganized, lunatic fringe. However, it's another story when a mass media outlet pursues and promotes squirrel world domination by encouraging so-called "artists" to produce graven images of the nutzys.

Such was the case of Boulder, Colorado radio station KGNU's Prairie Dog Project during 2002-2003. Billed as an "art in public places" event, it was purely and simply an attempt to poison the hearts and minds of Boulder's citizenry with graven images of that Pariah of the Prairie, prairie dogs...

As most Patriots know, the prairie dog has been the center of controversy wherevere it occurs, and especially since mewling skwerlverts pointed out that some or all of the varieties are in danger of becoming extinct.

Of special concern is the Black-Tailed Prairie Dog (Cynomys ludovicianus). Once this englutted nutzy controlled most of North America's prairies. Over the years, habitat destruction and disease markedly reduced their numbers.

Consequently, eco-terrorist-hippie-skwerlhuggers routinely call for the beast's inclusion on the Endangered Species List, either as a threatened or an endangered species (click p-dawg for comment).

The fact that the p-dawg is a "keystone" species gives credence to the listing argument and masks the skwerlverts' real goal: spread squirrel world domination. Science tells us that the loss of a keystone species may doom the environment from which it's removed. Thus, blinded by science, many otherwise rational people support the listing.

Inclusion on the list would afford the prairie dawg broad protections under the Endangered Species Act. Such designation also potentially causes problems for ranchers and farmers on the prairie (not to mention enlightened urban sprawlers developers).

For agriculture, prairie dogs in small numbers are not a problem. But protection under the Endangered Species Act would make p-dawg population control difficult at best.

Thus, if the beast is listed, it's no stretch to imagine vast and insatiable hordes of prairie dawgs rampaging across North America despoiling ranches and farms while the nation starves (click photo to hear rancher and p-dawg comment).

Fortunately, the dastardly chitterbox plot to place the p-dawg on the Endangered Species List is losing ground. The prairie states are working with federal, ag, urban and environmental interests to develop prairie dog conservation plans that'll keep the p-dawg down but not out. This effort may save the prairie dog from extinction while still giving farmers and ranchers viable options for controlling the beast.

Interestingly enough, there are those within the Anti-Squirrel Coalition and amongst the minions of squirrel world domination who see the conservation plans as appeasement (although each from drastically different perspectives). Which brings us back to KGNU's motives and Orthodox Skwerlhugery's insistence that skwerls be treated nice...

Patriots, KGNU's efforts to publically display graven images of squirrel world domination is a thinly disguised conspiracy. It's purpose? To convince people to see all skwerls as nice, benevolent beings worthy of adoration.

But if that's the case, then how do they explain the weapon of mass destruction our investigators found concealed within the body of one of the p-dawgs (click photo for large version)?

And as for the false promise of a blissful and harmonious future under squirrel world domination, one need only consider the number of times terrorist skwerls have blacked out our cities, attacked our children or pillaged our fields to conclude that the future of civilization looks dim under the oppressive light of skwerlien rule.

So, shame, shame and more shame on KGNU and the so-called artists for their past and current attempts to dupe the good people of Boulder into the pit of squirrel world domination. When will they and all skwerlhuggers finally understand the consequences of pandering to the bushytail horde and turn from the skwerlside?

ATTENTION SKWERLHUGGERS: Were you appalled by KGNU's traitorous effort? Are you prepared to reject skwerlhuggery and the false promises of squirrel world domination but can't quite break away from your addiction? May we suggest joining Skwerlhuggers Anonymous - the easy 3-step program that will free you from the shackles of skwerlien oppression...

JOIN SKWERLHUGGERS ANONYMOUS