According to the heresy of orthodox skwerlhuggery, someday a "Nice Squirrel" will come. Those who believe, preach that the Nice Squirrel is a white squirrel who will appear to set everything "right"
        There are those who say that the Nice Squirrel is already amongst us. There's even a cult that believes that the Nice Squirrel was adopted by our photo editor, LOvey Squirrel, after he found it in Woodward Park, California several years ago.
        As for the Nice Squirrel's nature, skwerlhuggers sermonize that it will be a benevolent and gentle Ghandi-like leader who'll bring concordance to the planet.
        Of course, it's our position that if such a demon exists, it'll be just that, a hideous vision of not-niceness promoting squirrel world domination.
        Who's right? We believe that research associate Patriot Jan found the answer to that question during a mission to our northern neighbor, Canada... a nation that's seen it's share of skwerlien terror (click white skwerl to hear it's hideous chitter - 123k wav)

Dear Patriots,

When I was visiting Ottawa, Canada recently, I went to the new Museum of Civilization. There in the Great Hall was a forest of beautiful totem poles from all over Canada.

Studylng the gallery directory map I was amazed to find a listing for the Great White Squirrel.

I made my way with some trepidation across the room to see this mystical bushytail. There he was, high above the crowd of awed museum visitors, obliviously munching on a nut.

   

According to the information associated with this shrine, the White Squirrel is a legendary war-like chief of the Squirrels, and appears as the crest of a family from the Nass River village of Gitlakdamiks.

Needless to say, I was horrified to be in the presence of what the agents of skwerlhuggery call the Nice Squirrel. Obviously, he is not nice...

Perhaps this explains a lot about Canada and why they still have so much land covered with pristine forests. And, perhaps this is one reason the museum itself was designed with no square corners, which can harbor evil spirits. We can only wonder about the influence of the War Chief of the Squirrels on our northern neighbors and on those seeking squirrel world domination.

Patriot Jan

        There you have it, Patriots. A stunning blow to those who'd deceive us with the false promises of squirrel world domination. And, now that we know the truth, the only remaining question is...