Howdy, Patriots. Ain't it a wondirment how meny re-liguns thar are in this heer wirld? I suppose thet sum is better'n othirs, but I prefers t'do my supplicatin' at the Church of the Burnin' Watirs Tabernakul, and I don't much mind where y'all does yirs.
        But, there's sum folks thet have thar minds made up and thar curtins pull'd down whin it comes t'toleratin' othirs' re-liggus perswayshuns. Now, take thet Southern Baptist Convention. They don't think much of Jews nor Muslims. An' now they're distributin' booklets thet sez Hindus are livin' in the darkness an' powir of Satan (an' I suppose thet it were jist sum wick'd co-incydence thet they gave out them booklets durin' the Hindu Festival of Lights call'd Divali...).
        Well, Patriots, I got t'worry'n about all them Hindus. Cood it be!?! Aftir all, ain't they the folks who go arownd with big black spots on thar forheds? An', I red this book abowt pirates once wherein gettin' a black spot was a bad thing, not good a'tall! So, I express'd my worriment t'sum of the boys, an' they sed, "Cletus, if'n yer so concirn'd about them Hindus, why don't ye jist go an' see fir yerself?" An' I sed, "Okey-dokey. Whar do they abide?" Well, no one seem'd t'have thet informayshun, so I had t'drive ovir to Cuzin Bob's, he wirks fer the Forist Servuce, an' he's a church deecon, so, I figgured he'd know.
        Well, ol'Bob know'd 'cuz he sed "India's got a lot" rite off. But, whin I dee-vulg'd thet I was on my way thar, well, Bob wasn't reel encuragin' abowt it. Now, at the time, I cain't sey thet I knew the meanin' of his wirds. But, as of the momentary present, I kin tell y'all thet them Hindus ain't livin' in the Devil's pit. In fact, them folks is jist fine. But, thar IS an unspeekabul presence thar. Becuz,