| scary squirrel world | OUR ANIMAL PALS |
Howdy, Patriots! I'm yer Cuzin Cletus an' I'm scary squirrel world's scientific eddytur. Now, y'all know thet I have a strong o-pinyun re-gardin' them slaverin' bushytail'd tree rats (an' you kin click on my image if'n ya don't); but, I'm heer this day to enlighten y'all on one of my fayvorite subjicts: Our Animal Pals.
See, folks is always writin' in (or havin' a frend do the writin' whin they cain't, but they know what they want t'say), an' thar askin' "Cletus, what sort of weaponry do I need to keep them durn chitterboxes away frum decent folks an' myself?"
Well, thar ain't no doubt thet thars plenty of man-made implee-ments of de-struckshun thet can dispatch a nut crunchin' varmint to the promised land. Unfortuatively, too many folks find themselves in a heap-o-trubble usin' some of these items.
Fer exampul, about a yeer or so ago, the Militia Boys an' the AFT (or m'be it's the ATF - i cain't never re-member except they's always hyped up about firearms, alchyhol, an' tabbacky fer sum re-son) got into a scrape up thar on Squatter's Ridge - I know sum of y'all re-member thet!
Anyways, after the AFT got run off, near-froze t'death, etc., they left behind one of them Army Heeliocopters with all them guns stickin' out of it ever which way an' old Uncle Rupert - who was havin' him a war with the local skwerls down by the still - figgured he'd jist wipe all them chitterboxes out in one fell swoop with thet copter.
Well, t'make a long story short, Rupert got thet bird up in the air and started blastin' away an' pushin' ever button he come across until he push'd the wrong one an' this heer missile goes streekin' across the sky, shaves off the steeple on the Taburnackle Church of the Burnin' Grotto, an' keeps right on 'til it hits the dam on the other side of the valley fair and square... Well, the result did git rid of a goodly numbur of skwerls, but I have t'ask ye, at what cost!?!
Now, I'm certtin thet y'all git the pictchur an' are ponderin' "Dang! Thar must be a better way t'terminate them skwerls' relayshunship with my birdfeeder!?!" An' thar is!
Cuzins, thars a world of animals out that jist hankerin' t'devour any skwerlball thet gambols by - an' we've re-ported now an' then on quite a few. But one of my fayvorites is the Red-tailed Hawk. In fact, me an' Cuzin' Luellen has us a hawk each which we use in place of skwerl-shot when the mood strikes us (click pic to hear skwerl protest).
So, I ask'd Cuzin Luellen t'git me sum informayshun on the Red-tail'd Hawk on account thet Luellen she's got book-lernin' an' she weren't doin' nuthin much seein' as her husbund, Cuzin Luke, is in the hoosegow fer shootin' Sheriff Hubert's dawg - but it weren't his fault as he was reely aimin' at this ol' copperhead everone calls Ol' Copperhead - but I guess the law's the law...
Anyways, You kin click on the links below an' one'll take y'all to our compreehensive fact sheet about hawks, an the othir will take you to a boy-howdy page with this java applet thet lets you see jist what'll happen whin y'all introduce hawks into a skwerl-infest'd environmint!
