As most Patriots know, at the head of today's bushytail horde, the Squirrel Enforcement Army, is the infamous Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel.

Tufty burst upon the scene in the 1960's with his Tufty Club and it's manifesto of terror (see link below). But who preceded Tufty?

To answer that question we bring you our series...

Whiffet the Squirrel and her family's crimes were first reported in 1917. As the story goes, Whiffet, her two milquetoast brothers, and their low-life parents happen upon a bird house high up in a chestnut tree. Finding the house empty, they decide to move in. However, a newly-wed robin couple are also interested in the birdhouse. Near-hysterical, Whiffet's mother declares, "I'll fix them!" And she does...

Once the squatters are in, they proceed to trash the birdhouse by gnawing holes in the walls. But the real story begins when Whiffet discovers an open window into the adjacent farm house.

There, a little girl named Polly is asleep, sound alseep, and apparently asleep for several days while Whiffet and her brothers steal all of Polly's doll clothes in a series of daring daylight raids.

Whiffet and her family then proceed to don the doll clothes and gambol about. They also make off with doll grooming accessories which they use to fluff up their fur.

Polly eventually comes out of her coma, or whatever, and notices that her dolly's clothes are missing. She must be a dim little girl because she never puts two and two together as far as the squirrels outside her window go...

SCENES FROM WHIFFET THE SQUIRREL
click thumbnails for large, hi-res versions

  

  

  

  

Whether Whiffet perpetrated and/or went on to commit more unspeakable acts of criminal mayhem is unknown. For example, Polly's parents are suspiciously absent from the farm. Why!?!

We're also unaware of any other documentation regarding Whiffet, her brothers, or her parents. Likewise, Whiffet's current whereabouts are unknown...

READER COMMENTS:

I believe Whiffet is misquoted, here. What she said, was, "The stink of some people!" Whiffet was speaking of Polly's parents, who'd been smoking "reefer", which is also why Polly herself was in such a comatose state. Second hand smoke. Polly's parents, not able to see their incapacity due to the smoke induced haze they were in themselves, decided to drive to an all night diner, as the reefer had given them a terrific appitite. They decided they wanted Mexican food, as their taste buds, so numbed by the effect of the pot, needed the stimulus of some serious spices. They were killed on the interstate on their way to the Baja, California, when they thought it would be fun to try to run down a prairie dog that was attempting to cross the highway that had severed the prairie dog city. Causing a horrific accident, involving several other vehicles, the parents took with them to Vahalla several immigrant workers in a van, who had just crossed the border, for work on a California marijuana farm that was disguised as a poinsettia producer. I say, Thank God for Squirrels! We need more squirrels, to collect and bury some of the nuts running loose! P.S. now, Molly wants a copy of Whiffet, and of Miss Suzy, too.