As most Patriots know, at the head of today's bushytail horde, the Squirrel Enforcement Army, is the infamous Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel.

Tufty burst upon the scene in the 1960's with his Tufty Club and it's manifesto of terror (see link below). But who preceded Tufty?

To answer that question we bring you our series...

SASSY SQUIRREL, AKA SALLY THE SQUIRREL, WAS SUPPOSEDLY THE "SASSIEST SQUIRREL IN THE WOODS" SOMETIME DURING THE FIRST HALF OF THE 20TH CENTURY.

PERHAPS SALLY WAS SASSY BECAUSE SHE WAS THE MASTERMIND BEHIND A LUCRATIVE BUT ILLEGAL DRUG CARTEL SPECIALIZING IN "MAGIC MUSHROOMS".

ACCORDING TO THE ONLY KNOWN RECORD OF SASSY'S ACTIVITIES, SHE LOST CONTROL OF THE CARTEL WHEN A LOCAL MOB BOSS, RONALD THE ROBIN, MUSCLED IN ON HER TERRITORY. SASSY FOUGHT BACK, BUT SHE WAS NO MATCH FOR THE DETERMINDED ROBIN.

SASSY RETREATED TO HER STONGHOLD AT CARRIE CHIPMUNK'S HOME. RONALD FOLLOWED. AFTER 3 DAYS SASSY ACCEPTED RONALD AS HER BOSS WHEN SHE DECLARED, "I'M NEVER GOING TO SASS ANYBODY AGAIN."

SCENES FROM SASSY
click thumbnails for large, hi-res versions

  

  

  

IT'S RUMORED THAT SASSY LEFT THE WOODS FOR EASTERN EUROPE IN 1961. SHE WAS LAST SEEN LEAVING THE TOWN OF CHERNOBYL IN THE UKRAINE (FORMER SOVIET UNION) AT 1:00 A.M. ON APRIL 26, 1986. HER CURRENT WHEREABOUTS ARE UNKNOWN...