Patriots, remember when polticians worked for the good of the people and in the best interests of all? Neither do we. In fact, it seems that both state and federal governments are paralyzed by kneejerk partisanship, consumed by self-indulgence, and engaged in a steady slide towards the global corportate fascism that President Eisenhower warned us about.
In general, we avoid giving political commentary. However, when a politician crosses the line and endorses squirrel world domination we must protest.
Case in point, former Alaska governor, Sarah Palin, has been exposed as an impenitent skwerlvert. It seems that then-governor Palin signed a 2009 bill designating February 02 as Marmot Day in Alaska into law (Alaska Senate Bill 58 - in pdf format).
The Marmot Day legislation was actually introduced by fellow Wasilla Republican state Sen. Linda Menard.
Why would Menard inroduce and Palin sign such a bill? Per the bill's language, so that "the day may be observed by suitable observances and exercises by school programs, the Alaska Zoo, civic groups, and the public" (i.e. to engage in wanton skwerlhuggery).
Patriots, we wouldn't be as outraged by this traitorous act if it involved a bunch of commie, eco-terrorist, hippie peaceniks. But Ms. Palin's pandering to ultra-conservatives, her populist posturing, her claim that she is an avid hunter, while surreptitiously enacting a law meant to subjugate Alaska to squirrel world domination is simply beyond the pale.
Of course, we were remiss for taking so long to recognize Ms. Palin as the wolf in sheep clothing she is. The signs were all there: wolf hunting, bear hunting, large and delicious ungulate hunting... hunting animals that either eat skwerls or compete with the bushytail horde for resources.
And what about the bill's timing? Is it just coincidence that Palin resigned as governor after signing the bill and abandoned Alaska for the national political arena? We think not.
Patriots, Ms. Palin's critics heap abuse on her like there's no tomorrow. They criticize her for being uninformed, provincial, even cognitively impaired. But supporters and critics alike fail to see Palin for the traitor to humanity she is. Specifically, a minion in the forefront of a vast cabal of impudent skwerlverts planning to seize politcal power worldwide and hand the reins of government over to the slavering nutzys... She must be stopped.
ALASKANS, MEET YOUR NEW OVERLORD THANKS TO SARAH PALIN. AMERICA, ARE WE NEXT? HOARY MARMOT: CLICK FOR LARGE VERSION- PHOTO COURTESY OF CHRIS ROBERTS
Alaska isn't the first to declare a Marmot Day. That dubious honor goes to Owosso, Michigan. Owosso's Marmot Day precedes Alaska's by 8 years. It's held in July, usually July 25. At 12:30 P.M., a marmot is positioned outside its hole, and if it goes into its hole, legend has it that summer is over; if it does not go into its hole, there will be one more month of summer. The following animated cartoon was entered into Owosso's 2009 Marmot Day video contest: