As most Patriots know, at the head of today's bushytail horde, the Squirrel Enforcement Army, is the infamous Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel.

Tufty burst upon the scene in the 1960's with his Tufty Club and it's manifesto of terror (see link below). But who preceded Tufty?

To answer that question we bring you our series...

IN 1962, AN UNUSUAL SERIES OF EVENTS CATAPULTED A YOUNG SKWERL INTO THE LIMELIGHT OF SQUIRREL WORLD DOMINATION.

SIMPLY NAMED "NIBBLE", HE SPENT MUCH OF HIS TIME HANGING OUT, WAITING TO BE NOTICED BY THE LOCAL SQUIRREL ENFORCEMENT ARMY (SEA) CADRE AND HOPING THEY'D RECRUIT HIM INTO THE SEA.

ONE DAY, NIBBLE IS IN THE WOODS PLAYING WITH HIS NUTS WHEN HE'S APPROACHED BY A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER. THE STRANGER OFFERS TO HELP NIBBLE TRAIN TO PASS THE SEA INITIATION, BUT FINDS HIM SORELY LACKING IN EVEN THE RUDIMENTARY SKILLS REQUIRED OF SEA OPERATIVES (E.G. CHUCKING ACORNS AT THINGS).

NIBBLE RETURNS HOME DEVASTATED. HIS PARENTS TRY TO CONSOLE HIM BY TAKING HIM OUT TO DINNER. THERE, NIBBLES SEES THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER IN CONFERENCE WITH HIS PARENTS.

UPON HIS RETURN HOME, NIBBLE'S PARENTS TELL HIM THAT HE ISN'T MADE TO BE A FIGHTER, AND THAT HE SHOULD USE HIS BRAINS TO IMPRESS THE MYSTERIOUS STANGER, WHO TURNS OUT TO BE THE REGIONAL SEA BOSS...

SCENES FROM THE MEANEST SQUIRREL I EVER MET
click thumbnails for large, hi-res versions

  

  

  

  

  

  

NIBBLE TAKES HIS PARENTS' ADVICE TO HEART. HE MASTERMINDS THE ROBBERY OF A SIERRA NUT HOUSE JUST BEFORE THE CHRISTMAS RUSH. HE LEAVES NO WITNESSES (FOR WHICH HE IS DUBBED THE MEANEST SQUIRREL I EVER MET BY INDUSTRIALIST HOWARD HUGHES). NIBBLE THEN SELLS THE NUTS BACK TO SIERRA NUT HOUSE (CYBERNAUTIX, INC) AT AN ENORMOUS PROFIT - ENOUGH TO LAUNCH A HOSTILE TAKE-OVER OF THE COMPANY.

THE REGIONAL SEA BOSS IS SO IMPRESSED THAT HE RECRUITS NIBBLE INTO HIS INNER CIRCLE. NIBBLE'S SUCCESS CONTINUES AS HE FAVORABLY CONCLUDES ONE CAPER AFTER ANOTHER. HOWEVER, TRAGEDY STRIKES THE NEXT CHRISTMAS WHEN HE RECEIVES A GIFT BY MAIL...

THE GIFT, FROM THE STAFF AT THE SIERRA NUT HOUSE CORPORATE OFFICE HAD BEEN TAMPERED WITH AND IT'S CONTENTS OF DELIOUS NUTS REPLACED BY TINY, ACORN-SHAPED GELIGNITE BOMBS.

ODDLY, NIBBLE'S BODY WAS NEVER FOUND. RUMOR HAS IT THAT HE SURVIVED THE ASSASINATION ATTEMPT AND FLED TO TOGO WHERE HE RAN "NUTZY NIBBLES ECOTOURIST RESORT" UNTIL 1993 (WHEN IT WAS SHUT DOWN AFTER AN INTERPOL INVESTIGATION LINKED NIBBLE TO A NIGERIAN BANKING SCAM).

NIBBLE'S CURRENT WHEREABOUTS ARE UNKNOWN.

BONUS PIC: NIBBLE'S HAS A NIGHTMARE