Hero or Woose?

It seems so fashionable these days to drag the good names of our cultural icons and heros through the mud. President Bill is a neurotic womanizer, Saddam Hussein is a liar, Thomas Jefferson had illigitimate children, Prince Charles has bad teeth, and so on. But one of the most persistant and warrentless trends is the suggestion that the King of the Wild Frontier, Davy Crockett, was a simpering, naturalist skwerlvert.

Crockett's critics point out that he supposedly wore a coonskin cap (rather than one made of skwerl); that he rassled a bear (an omnivorus animal that eats bushytails and/or their food sources); and that he was elected to Congress (well, ok, on that one). Moreover, a "diary" surfaced in 1955 that challenges the well established fact that Davy went down swinging at the Alamo in 1836.

The diary, penned by Lt. Colonel Jose Enrique de la Pena (a Mexican officer present at the battle), says that Patriot Davy was captured and brought before victorious General Santa Ana . A Mexican soldier introduced Davy as a "naturalist" who just happened to be passing by when the battle began. Singularly unimpressed, General Santa Ana ordered Crockett and a handful of other survivors executed on the spot. Although Col. de la Pena and other officers argued for mercy, the general's orders were carried out. The survivors were hacked to death.

Well, scary squirrel world has had it with these wild insinuations that Davy Crockett was a skwerl-hugging wimp who tried to weasel his way out of a horrible execution at the Alamo. Therefore, we have spared no expense in bringing together the definitive evidence to prove that Davy was a bushytail whackin' hero to the very end. Patriots, consider the following...

Left to Right:
The "diary's" real author. Davy's skwerl-skin cap. Exclusive video of Davy's last words.

POSTSCRIPTS:

About 45 days after the fall of the Alamo, Lt. Col. Jose Enrique de la Pena, the officer who pleaded with Generalismo Santa Ana to spare the survivors lives, was killed during the Battle of San Jacinto by a lot of angry Texans howling "Remember the Alamo!"

The Battle of San Jacinto pitted 800 Texans against Santa Ana's army of 1300. The Texans took Santa Ana by surprise and wiped out the Mexican force in a matter of minutes. Santa Ana disguised himself as a common soldier to avoid detection. However, when led into the prisoner's compound, his troops greeted him with "Viva El Presidente!" Later, he was released and returned to Mexico to resume his role as president.

Davy Crockett had as many enemies in life as friends, maybe more. His Congressional service was uneventful, although he did advocate for the rights of the poor to land ownership. In the end, Crockett obtained a stature in death he never had in life. Just as it should be...

On November 18, 1998, Col. de la Pena's diary was sold at auction in Hollywood, California for $350,000. The buyers were two "sons of Texas."