Patriots, we receive letters almost every day protesting our opposition to squirrel world domination.Some protests come from well-meaning souls who simply haven't been educated to the chitterbox threat to civilization.
But the worst come from historical revisionists who claim that our Great Patriots were really acorn-sucking skwerlverts.
For example, pathetic skwerlhuggers once claimed that the King of the Wild Frontier, Davy Crockett, was really a woose naturalist and that Robin Hood lived in the forest because he adored the aboreal terrors. However, our investigation confirmed that Davy and Robin were skwerl-whackin' heros (see links below).
Now, proving Crockett and Hood to be Great Patriots is relatively easy. But some skwerlhugger prevarications are harder to dispel. Case in point, the controversy surrounding Beatrix Potter's Tale of Squirrel Nutkin.
The forces of skwerlhuggery have perpetuated the myth that Beatrix Potter was a skwerlvert, and that Squirrel Nutkin was a cute little skwerl. But our research says otherwise. In fact, Ms. Potter was both a talented biologist and writer who once shot a nut cruncher out of a tree to study its anatomy, and described Squirrel Nutkin as "very savage" (click pic above to hear Ms. Potter confront skwerl - note the whackin' stick).
Nonetheless, skwerlhuggers still insist that Beatrix Potter's Tale of Squirrel Nutkin is a delightful children's story. We disagree. We have to wonder if these traitors to humanity have actually read the Tale. In our studied opinion it is a metaphor for the struggle against squirrel world domination - a warning, if you will, to be ever vigilant against the forces of squirrelhuggery and the bushytail horde itself.
But don't take our word for it. Judge for yourself. Click on the thumbs below to view the story, or click on the text link for a 9 minute Real Audio version; then send us your opinion using the handy form below:
