Patriots, the various political parties are busy choosing their candidates for President of the United States of America. It's also time for the Anti-Squirrel Coalition to choose our nominee. We've identified three possible candidates and you can vote for your favorite below. Or, if you think there's someone better qualified to clean up the mess left behind by President Bush(ytail) and/or to lead us bravely against squirrel world domination, let us know using the handy contact form (also below). But first, brief bios on the leading candidates:

Heidi "Skwerl Melts" Wilson: Ms. Wilson is well known for her delicious squirrel melts. But more importantly, she knows where her "second safety" is - a quality lacking in the current administration. Heidi is a strong candidate with a solid backing from those concerned with the adverse affect squirrel world domination has on families and children. More info here.

Theodore "Ted" Nugent: rock legend and hunter extraordinaire, Mr. Nugent won a national archery competition by skewering a skwerl at 150 yards. He's a clean living Patriot who recounts: "When other guys were getting high, I would grab a couple babes, go squirrel hunting and see just how mini mini-skirts could get." - Detroit Free Press Magazine , July 15, 1990. Theodore has the support of the party's militant right wing.

David "Davy" Crocket: Mr. Crockett wasn't the king of the wild frontier for nothin'. He frequently particpated in squirrel hunts and always came away with numerous chitterbox scalps. He's also the only ASC candidate with experience in office (House of Representatives 1821-1829, 1833). Sure, he's dead, but supporters say that you can rest assured that, as president, Davy won't screw anything up. Mr. Crockett has the support of party conservatives. More info here.

Detailed poll info

READER COMMENTS

The Nuge (pronounced "Nooozh") is a patriot who scaled the walls of his high school for his graduation day statement - an early political act. If he's the same Ted Nugent who went to Arlington Heights High School... The bushy tail is a warning to future prey - skeedaddle now or git skewered on some guy's tailbone! No fluffy thinking!

Those who agree with the old axiom: "the government that governs least, governs best" will likely support David Crockett. As a President, he won't be able to do anything. He's so far gone by this point that he probably couldn't even poison a ground skwerl that would tunnel into his casket. Heidi Wilson for President! Patriot Dowser

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Someone needs to check into Ted Nugent's Patriot credentials.he's not who he pretends to be! Didn't he start out in some sort of hippie psychadelic band and why don't you check out tednugent.com. What's that hanging off Mr. Nugents ass? A bushytail!!!!

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Heidi "Skwerl Melts" Wilson is my choice! She can "bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan!" I prefer the shotgun to the crossbow, and Heidi Wilson teaches others to hunt with a shotgun! Give a person a skwerl melt, and you have fed them for a day...Teach a person to hunt, and the result will be a lot more dead skwerls!

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