Patriots, pathetic skwerlhuggers often criticize us for opposing their skwerlien overlords' plans for squirrel world domination.

        Some skwerl-firsters also accuse us of pandering to the the more militant wings of the Anti-Squirrel Coalition, and even promoting the eradication of chitterboxes world-wide.

        Patriots, we have never advocated the total obliteration of the nutzy menace. After all, many of our pals in the animal kingdom rely on the englutted skwerlballs as a food source (e.g. the prairie's black-footed ferret and the squirrel hunters of Kentucky).

        In fact, our advice and admonition is to always do the right thing when it comes to opposing squirrel world domination (click brave Patriot for comment). Some Patriots hear this as a call to arms, while others take a more moderate, even benevolent approach to containing the bushytail horde.

One such approach is the incarceration and "rehabilitation" of slavering skwerls. This method closely follows the accepted wildlife rehabilitation practices favored by eco-terrorist skwerlhuggers. That is, find some hurt skwerls, make them better, and release them back into the wild.

However, there is one important difference: the skwerlhugger process aims to release the chitterbox back into the wild to terrorize mankind. On the other hand, our method cures the incarcerated of their loyalty to the bushytail horde and their desire to participate in Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel's plot for squirrel world domination.

INCARCERATED: SKWERL SHIRLEY - A THREAT NO MORE
Skwerl Shirley was rescued, rehabilitated and released by Patriot Mary

        How does our method work? It's simplicity itself. We simply round up all the skwerls wounded during squirrel hunting season, lock 'em up, fix 'em, and let them gorge themselves on all manner of skwerlien treats.

        But wait, there's more: we also condition the chitterboxes with hours of inspirational messages guaranteed to turn them from the skwerl side (click Skwerl Shirley in her listening booth to hear sample message about Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel - 193k wav)

Is this method successful? Of course it is. However, it does not work in every situation, or on every skwerl. Thus, it is important that Patriots always do the right thing when confronted with nutzy aggression... and, so, the only remaining question is: