ALBYNIAN SKWERLHUGGERY SPREADS TO TEXAS
UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS HOSTS DEVIANT ALBYANIST CULT

        As some of you know, Albynian Skwerlhuggery is the adoration of albino skwerls. Named after Alby, the albino chitterbox at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, N.Y., Albyanists believe that albino nutzys have special powers worthy of admiration. There are even those who sermonize that Alby is the "Nice Squirrel" (see link below for more information).
        Albino skwerls differ from other chitterboxes in a number of ways. As albinos, they are genetic mutations of fox or grey squirrels. Their red eyes differentiate them from "normal" white variations of these species. Fortuantely, it's easy to tell an albino squirrel from a regular bushytail (click pic for photo comparison).
        Prior to this report, Albyanism was thought to be confined to New York State and a few surrounding pockets of skwerlhuggery. Now comes word that the University of Texas is caught in the downward spiral of squirrel world domination:

To: scarysquirrel@scarysquirrel.org
Sent: Friday, September 07, 2001 1:38 PM

You people need to get over your fear of squirrels! Where would any of us be without these magnificant creatures! You're just afraid of what you don't understand!

Dustin Ballard
President/Founder of the Albino Squirrel Preservation Society
University of Texas
http://www.geocities.com/albino12345

        Leaving aside that President Ballard mischaracterizes our attitude towards the bushytail horde, we wonder just what we don't understand about the drooling nut crunchers?
        Is it that we don't understand why anyone would succumb to the false promises of squirrel world domination (click skwerl for hideous chitter)? Or perhaps we're unreasonably mystified as to why anyone would create a whole website devoted to skwerls of any sort? Or maybe... well, you get the picture...
        One thing we do know, the Albino Squirrel Preservation Society's (ASPS) website does provide us with valuable intelligence regarding the whereabouts of albino skwerls on UT's campus (see scaled-down version of ASPS's map below):

        Thus, Patriots, knowing the location of the Albynian nutzys gives you the information needed to save the University of Texas from the slavering skwerlballs.
        Now, some of you moderates out there will suggest leading white skwerliens away from the campus with a trail of delicious nuts. But what then? Relocate them to G. W. Bushytail's ranch? Of course, you militants will advocate a more "hands on" approach to defeating this bushytail menance...
        But whatever your choice, we're confident that the Patriots of Texas will do the right thing when it comes to combating Albynian Skwerlhuggery in their state!

CLICK ABOVE FOR A MUSICAL COMMENT ABOUT WHITE SKWERLS EVERYWHERE WHITE AND LAZY in real audio g2 by Custom Made Scare