CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from University of Massaschuetts, Dartmouth, MA

i attend university of ma in dartmouth. one day i was walking to my class to take my final. the path is split into 2 ways. i took one path and a scary creature, hannibal, stood in front of me with his hands cupped near his mouth and chattering his teeth. i took a few steps to the go the other way and he once again approached me doing the same thing.

i started freakin out and yelling at him but he wouldn't leave so i ran to the first path again and there he was. i don't know if it was one squirell or twins in cahoots.

finally some kid was coming up the path so i figured this was my chance. as i tried to make my way i passed the kid and guess who stopped me again, hannibal. i screamed out loud "leave me the f** alone". the kid turned around and i was in tears he asked if i was okay and i said yes.

eventually i went back to my car, drove all the way to the other side of the campus and went to my final 20 minutes late.

we have too many squirrells at my school! they have student id's and sometimes i see them playing cards in the cafeteria...