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To: scarysquirrel@scarysquirrel.com
From: Michaela
Subject: Campus Alert!
I write to inform the world about the terrifying incidence of black squirrels cavorting about at Stanford University. Word is that long ago, Mrs. Jane Stanford became enamored with the black squirrels that are apparently native to Italy, and when it came time to build the hallowed Stanford U, she had a whole mess of 'em shipped in and let loose on campus to delight future generations. Unfortunately, in current times, the black squirrels appear to almost universally suffer from mange, and look like nothing so much as giant black rats.
However, stupidity may do in these squirrels before intervention becomes necessary. In the Stanford quad, there are several stands of palm trees that the squirrels adore, and I happened to be observing a group of squirrels jumping from one 40-foot tree to another when the inevitable happened. One of the black squirrels made a jump from the fronds of one palm to the other's, attempted to grab the new frond in a sort of bear (or rather squirrel) hug, and slid off the end of the frond. The hapless squirrel plummeted 40 feet to the ground, limbs flailing the entire way down. Shocked, I went over to inspect the damage, and upon discovering that the squirrel had apparently disappeared and thus was not dead or maimed, I concluded this was one of the funniest squirrel-involved incidents I had ever witnessed.
Keep it up, dudes.
Michaela Schlocker
http://www.stanford.edu/~schlock
