CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

I'm a junior at Mary Washington College in Fredericksburg Va. We too have a serious infestation of the furry bandits. it's common to be walking along campus walk and witness one catipult at a high rate of speed out of the top of a trash can. In my three years at this school I have seen some amazing unsquirrel like activity.

For one thing, I have always thought that they were supposed to know how to climb trees. Well, on more than one occasion i have looked to the sky to see a furry demon falling from a tree, often from heights of 50 ft. or more, and land on solid concrete. The most frightening thing about this occurance is that the little buggars get up and walk away.

They have also been known to attack humans. My roomate once had a young one try to attack him. He thought it was cute at first, but then it made that, that.... "noise"; scared him to death. Even now, he remains in extreme emotional and psychological distress.

All this convinced me to take up the anti-squirrel cause. My greatest victory was when I was riding my bike to get lunch one day, I saw two of the little satans on the sidewalk. As i was coming, they moved to the left side out of my way, but just as they always do, they both made a break for the other side, apparently trying to make me flip my bike in a kamikaze action, but it was fruitless on their part. I hit one of them with the back tire of my bike. He got up and ran off, but I am sure he will remember that day for as long as he limps around this campus. I also hit one with a snowball too, that was fun. I urge y'all to fight with all that you have in you, for the day of redemption is at hand, and we will win, we WILL WIN!!!

thank you all,
Patriot Holt