CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from the Mississippi University for Women, Columbus, MS

I attend Mississippi University for Women, located in Columbus, MS (admitting men since 1985 or so).

From the outside, it appears to be a quaint little campus. Little do you know, evil squirrels raise anarchy all on campus. They tamper with vehicles. They chase students. They leap out of trees and try to bite you.

Think the 2nd floor of a building is safe? Think again. Once, a squirrel flung himself at the window, chattering obscenities at me, during my class on the 2nd floor.

They have overun campus and will soon take over the world if not stopped.

I try to run over as many as I can but I'm only one person. And so many of the students here are animal loving, tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing people.

Send help soon!