CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from Morningside College in Sioux City, Iowa.

I will never forget it.... It was Morningside College's first sunny day of spring. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, and many animals started to scatter around campus. A friend and I decided to go skating around campus for exercise. My friend was not to great at skating, and suddenly went downhill into a bush! When he landed in a bush he did not know there was a squirrel inside, and the squirrel bit him!

A couple days before this incident a squirrel jumped into one of the main transformers that ran electricity through our music auditorium... and all of the power went out. The squirrel died when it jumped into the transformer. A bunch of my friends formed a club called "Hug a Rabid Squirrel Foundation." We are trying to convert the rabid squirrels... so one day they may be clean and cause no more trouble.