CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

From the beginning of the school year, there have been these two squirrels with a death wish. The two of them can be seen prancing around the busy streets of chicago and getting friendly with the students of the campus. But, their friendliness is just a front.

See, I had an run in with one of these evil squirrels last year. The blood sucking mongrel sat there eating a nut. I thought it was cute. I was sadly mistaken. I crouched down to make those devilish squirrel noises we all know of and this cute spawn of satan came over to me. This being my first up close and personal confrontation with a squirrel, i decided to touch it. The squirrel seemed to enjoy human affection; so i went to go pet it again and the damned thing nearly bit my hand off. I had to get a lovely rabies shot thanks to this creature of destruction...

So, anyway, back to the present. One week ago, i was walking back from class when i see a group of people huddled around the entrance to our apartment all laughing. So, of course i needed to see what was going on. It seems that one of those demonic squirrels got ahold of some poor student's leg. The squirrel then proceeded to hump this guy's leg. Utterly confused, the poor, innocent bystander shook his leg, making sure the squirrel didnt finish his business and leave a wet surprise on him. The squirrel flew about 2 feet from the victim, but jumped right back on him to finish his business. Eventually, we all scared the squirrel away, knowing that some day he'll seek revenge.

We will resist!

Peace out and happy squirrel hunting,
"Squirrel Boy"
Loyola University, Chicago