CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Sadly, I've come to believe that squirrels are a more advanced life form than we mere humans. They want us to believe that we're superior to lure us into a false sense of security.

I think red squirrels would be on our side if it weren't for the greys. They're not nearly so aggressive.

On the other hand, grey squirrels mutated several millenia ago due to a pigment-related genetic fault. Since then, to my knowledge, they have taken over the chemical engineering department at Leeds University (UK), and are led by professor P.A. Dowd. He uses the ingenious guise of a grey suit (created by a holographic projector planted within his torso which, as it happens, is made up of 4 grey squirrels) and a whole grey squirrel for the beard which has become his trademark amongst the known grey squirrel-sympathisers in this university.

If this plot is not exposed and annihilated soon, god help us......